"what happens after nothing? when i go to heaven, i just want to go home." - inuyasha sasuke weeks

what happens after nothing?

after all the lights go dim?

am i lost now to the aether?

is my spirit still within?

what happens after nothing?

what waits beyond the gates?

will i finally gain my wings?

or gain an endless wait?

and i've heard heaven lies

somewhere beyond the blue

but i don't think i want a

part without you

if i get to heaven

and i don't see your face

i know i won't want to spend

an eternal stay 

after i get to heaven

i just want to go home

back to all my loved ones

on earth that i've known

HTTP 404

on this outlook i've been fixating

staring from the ground

all i see are clouds

try to stay chipper though it's raining

gets harder every day

while the skies stay gray

still i hold out for a stray beam

maybe the sun will return to me

try to stay chipper though it's raining

behind all the clouds

the sun will soon poke out

the storm is here but it ain't staying

gotta bide my time

the day will soon be mine

gotta hold out for a stray beam

one day the sun will return to me

gotta hustle if you wanna get fed

gotta sing for your bread

gotta climb the ladder

gotta walk a step ahead of the crowd

gotta puff your chest out

can't be a slacker

midtown

walk 10 blocks in half an hour

deep down

the buildings lurch but you can't cower

new daw april -- experimenting with reaper!

i thought i kept myself grounded

but i'm succumbing to doubt

pulled down by the weight of

every little thing that i worry bout

i think it's time

to start looking to the sky

it's time for me to see

the forest from the trees

don't want to fight

my heart from taking flight

it's time for me to leave

to spread my wings

give myself a little space to just be me

a single hour to reflect each week, to feel

not here, hasn't been here for a thousand years. maybe the sun that reflects back at you was the same light you once lived under.

tribute to my mentor/senpai/friend, anosci

i reflect in the windows. do you reflect when you watch me walk by?

an interpolation of "lightning to strike" by starla

you feel so guilty waiting

when i see that spark in your eyes

i know it's that time

show me what you've been saving

wanna hear what you have to say

when you kiss me this way

go on and misbehave

let me play in the storm

from evening til' morn

go on, now it's okay

caught me in the downpour

got me begging for more

you got me anticipating

can't tell what you'll do next but i know

you're waiting for the lightning to strike

you don't need my persuading

i'll do whatever you want, i know

you're waiting for the lightning to strike

sometimes i wonder

why beings in motion

constantly try

to move against that notion

i know i'm stuck

i'm firmly rooted here

but with every passing year

i can't help but notice

change is inevitable

like the falling of the leaves

in time the buds will open

it's the nature of us trees

change is inevitable

nothings guaranteed

we'll weather through another season

together, you and me 

i promise i won't take up much more of your time

on our date

it's okay

i understand you'll go back home to being his wife

i'll give you space

bow out with grace

but underneath the starlight

in the warmth of your embrace

it's okay to let desire burn --

it will burn out anyway

and in the morning we'll leave no trace

don't drink it!

driving slowly in protest of my routine

get a whiff of you from route 417

i thought i was on route

thought that i'd make it out

but every diner has you in a glass

thought i could do without

but you're so paramount

to every breakfast joint that i drive past

i can't escape the orange

what else can i rhyme with orange?

"this ain't intentional" but

i noticed some tension

i know it ain't easy

dealing with me

when we're going though it

but you've been acting strange

been dodging my calls all day

like two ships at sea

we never seem

to be in the same place

tell me baby

what's the reason

why you shut me out

when things go south

tell me baby

what's the reason?

what's going on?

what did i do wrong?

yet we choose to sit in silence

to avoid making waves

yet sometimes i wish for violence

just to know you feel some way

high in the pine

watching them fly

all one by one, going

up in the sky

all sing goodbye

watch the whole flock growing

a chill on the wind

a journey begins

wherever the current's flowing

into the unknown

they don't fly alone

they all know where they're going

oh take me with you

i want to fly too

(so begins bitwig baugust)

so far no one's reached out
that's what i get for disconnecting
deleted my facebook now i'm getting
a party of one
i think i'm done with birthdays
a party for one
i'm gonna do things my way

i think i'm better
now i'm without Meta
party for one
why should you know my birthday?

an axe to the trunk

would've been enough

but we let this fester

far too long

foundations built

on shallow soil

yet we're so embroiled

tension builds

blood boils

initials

carved into the bark

lost forever to the dark

how did this all start?

years rooted in resentment

all these generations spent

grasping for land

yet when we're faced

with all the rot

we wonder how it got

this bad

(I'M LAAAATE)

took a lot to cultivate me

they plucked from my peers

if it truly were so easy

we'd all be here

full-length mirrors on an empty stomach

no say in what i do

scraped my knuckles scraped my throat near raw

for a chance to debut

 just to be an industry plant

just to be your industry plant

in lieu of flowers

write me a song

some chords and notes

for everyone to play along

seems like everyone's preoccupied

with my absence from the earth

but there are better ways to spend your time

than lowering me in the dirt

look to the person on your left

when was the last time

you grooved with them to a beat?

now to the person on your right,

ask them to sing with you

it doesn't matter if you're off key?

in lieu of flowers

write me a song

some chords and notes

for everyone to play along

it doesn't matter

if you think it all sounds wrong

in lieu of flowers

ask your friends to sing along

 

what's a bitch gotta do to get a vacation

wasting eighty hours slaving at my workstation

work me like a dog, work me without motivation

try to prove my worth to a worthless corporation

hit you with the triple o

i'm not gonna work the fourth

i'm all out of overtime

i'm already out the door

catch me at the AC

sea breeze

traffic doesn't matter

losing all my quarters

at the slots in Tropicana

and even though my paws are in the sand

my mind still churns

this isn't what i planned

can't get myself to rest at all

my mind's stuck in the office

i guess i'm on-call?

thank heavens it's finally done
thank heavens the battle is won

felt like i was falling
the reins were out of grasp
felt like the situation
was out of my hands

felt like defeat was coming
felt like i was down
felt like that for a long time
but then things turned around

finally it's all under control
finally i think i found my soul

i'm not feeling (well)

but i'm healing (well)

maybe i'll get there soon

don't conceal it (well)

all these feelings (well)

but i gotta make it through

last night i sat in bed

scrolling through my feed

consuming content rather mindlessly

vegged out pantless

frying my brain

watched my attention span  

run down the drain

and then it hit me

the well is dry

i've been pouring from an empty cup

for months, i don't know why

go get me lassie!

get me a rope!

some way i can get out

or at least a little hope!

the intrusive thoughts won

(lyrics are off the cuff and i'm late to render so they're not here ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

in a liminal space

stuck in the "between"

awaiting my fate

got my heart on a plate

against my palms

insurmountable weight

it's my soul against a feather

wish i could've done much better

but i gave in to temptation

and ignored my obligations

now i leave it to the judge and jury

hope that i escape their fury

and the scale will show me mercy

the scale will show me mercy

recorded in bed with ableton stock plugins. and a tenor ukulele i had laying around. i really should sleep. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

it's just you, your boat, and a sea monster.

waiting

aching

staying in place

stranded on my island in space

searching

lurching

around this place

all alone on my island in space

and the moon projects its face on the tide

as it pulls toward everything i left behind

and i wonder if you're missing me

back home

but i know the world keeps turning

though i'm gone

weeping

retreating

i cannot face

why i went to this island in space

i'm leaving

i'm keeping

you all away

as i hide on my island in space  

and the moon projects its face on the tide

as it pulls toward everything i left behind

and i wonder if you're missing me

back home

but i know the world keeps turning

though i'm gone

(this is literally the first time i've messed around with an 808 kick)

i'm just a temporary high
a rung you stepped on on your climb
i'm just a temporary high
that you placated with lies

you got to where you need to
you got your brand new life
you took all that i gave you
and you twisted the knife

i'm just a temporary high
a rung you stepped on on your climb
i'm just a temporary high
you always love it when i cry

i'm calling

calling your name

but you can't hear me

over the games

and i'm praying that

today you won't shove

another baby

in front of their mom

'cause i know you get excited

'bout the duckies and the rides

that it's giving me pause   

now i'm trapped in a mouse casino

where a kid can be a kid

watch some child do a lap around me

i think i'm gonna be sick

now i'm lost in a mouse casino

just searching for my kid

don't know how he escaped my sight

i don't know where he hid

> mrw "man, i wish they taught us useful things in school like how to do taxes instead of teaching us the quadratic formula"

(secret: it's the first 32 digits of pi shoved in a chord progression)

compared to your work, everything below seems so insignificant.

sometimes in ohc

you got a concept that sounds really neat

like 80s rock for this theme seems to gel

but then you get caught up in preset hell

make a decision

just write that line down

trust the process

just get a song out

no one cares if your song is jank

just take a leap of faith

you might think that it sounds bad now

but we think it sounds great

a table with a view

high on the roof

dinner for two

a table with you

is all i really need

a table with a view

of your office below

i reflect in the windows

and you still don't know

at happy hour you're all i see

my work wife

is doin' overtime

put in them hours

and i don't know why

you're not yet by my side

come play hooky with me

you've got a seat

right next to me

come play hooky with me

you've got a seat

now when are you free?

every path looks the same

when you've lost your way

and the pebbles you've dropped

seem to blend with the rocks

and the clay

every path looks the same

when you've lost your way

and you've found you've resigned

cause you've been left behind

swept away

night falls

let the forest reclaim me

daylight

you found you couldn't save me

pop punk for 10-year-old me, whose lola (grandma) had to move back to the philippines.

turning ten

is never truly easy

but then again

i'm bordering on cheesy

when i said

nothing in life will stay the same

that's just the nature of the game

your folks are talking

they never gave the reason

but you knew this day will come

your lola's gotta leave and

as she gathers up her bags she starts to say

we'll see her again someday

goodbye lola, my best friend

time for childhood to end

goodbye lola, my best friend

i pray that i'll see you again

tell me how it got this way

everyone i make's the same

every one i draw in three-quarters

borders on the same face

try to sketch a variant

try to sketch a different head

try'na draw an oc that don't look like me

but what the heck

they all look like me

serving (meow) like me

they all look like me

serving (meow) like me

everybody that i try to draw has the same face

your sins will catch up to you.

in the mornings

when i rise

lord i find there

on my plate

a pat of butter

a slice of rye

with a bowl of

sweet corn flakes

another sunrise

another day

an adventure

soon awaits

so take this breakfast

take it with grace

for who knows

what you will face

2024

bet you were expecting something more

thought we'd be official baby

by now

2024

you are the one that i adore

but i cannot commit to you

right now

please don't cry, please don't act like you're shocked

you know how i can get 'bout cardstock

i'm married to the grind, baby

reselling booster boxes for life

i just don't have time baby

for you to be my wife

(challenged myself to do a stock-only OHC run)

i don't know what drew me to this

this empty place

this liminal space

you really got me going through it

and i can't wait

to head that way

brought me to the ends of the earth

'cuz i thought i saw all the world

grab your boat

grab your sword

grab a steak

grab your ward

we're sailing to the boundary

grab an axe

grab your map

grab a wolf

or a cat

we're going to the boundary

felt like i

like i blinked and i'm already here

i can't believe that it's the end of the year

i feel the snow and the chill drawing near

but my mind's in a fog

like i'm in silent hill

and it feels like i lost the path ahead

and it feels like all i know is dread

and it's a fine line that i have to tread

and if i don't move forward

then i'll end up dead

and through the blizzard of emotions

i'm just going through the motions

why was i chasing a promotion

instead of chasing dreams?

i really do not have the notion

but if i do get lost in this storm

of deprecation

that i lose sight of all that's great

i'll think of y'all 'til it starts to warm

and count the minutes ' til the next hour with you

it's what i'll try to do

time for me to end my run

and boldly go

into the unknown

time for me to meet the sun

it's time for me to go

and feel its warmth

yet a million eyes

are hoping

for a wish to make

for miracles

as my body breaks

a million hands

are clasped together

for a prayer made

and soon enough

i will dissipate

here i go

don't you know

i'll set myself on fire

just for your desires

all of this

for a wish

i'll set myself on fire

it's worth it for a smile

alternate title: colorado gets possessed by the spirit of james hetfield also i got sick again :(

a small little hole for the

water to seep through

from a small little hole it flows

a small little hole for the

village to peep through

see where the water goes

a small little hole can grow

a big giant hole for the

dam to leak through

from a big giant hole it goes

a big giant hole is what it came to

how did it grow nobody knows

down the reservoir goes

into the streets, oh no

it's a flood

grab your rainboots

find shelter

because it's

...not great weather

(i've been having some weird-ass dreams lately. hope they stop.)

it's been ages since we last spoke

how are you these days?

did you finally find your way?

i'm as old as you when you left

ain't it strange

how so much that time can change?

sometimes in my dreams

you'll come back and we forgive

every wound that we've both inflicted

every vile word we've spit

but for now i'll wrap our time together

in a pale green bow

and i'll try to forget every tender

moment as i go

and that's the end of that 

no more crying, colorado

have this song as your closure

just accept it

it's all over     

wanted to give PRC a proper send-off. thank you for all the years of great music!

1000 Words from Final Fantasy X-2, re-imagined as city pop.

(birthday song! made on stream with the help of sci, misael.k, compyfox, jh, khristina, garrett and sebastian <3)

hear my heart

pounding in my ears

feels like i have not slept

for a year

got my eyes

fixed on the road ahead

blinders up,

but i'm so focused on the dread

hit my marks

gotta sprint toward every goal

that's all i've ever known

to do

it was fun

when i was just a boy

but i just don't see that joy

anymore

in this three decade marathon

feeling the burn

checking my shadow

at every turn

who am i racing

around this red star?

where is the finish line?

hope it's not far --

what am i racing toward?

who am i racing for?

what am i racing toward?

what am i racing for?

i fell back into old habits

learned you've got a new last name

i think of our goodbye every time

i get caught up in the rain

guess i came back here by habit

to the woods off memory lane

thought i'd find you here waiting

but my efforts were in vain

downpours disguised

watery eyes

taking the downtown line

at 12:45

you're a cloud hanging over me

no matter where i go

so hung up about your memory

it won't leave me alone

you're a cloud hanging over me

i can never let you go

so hung up about your memory

that i'm feeling so alone

another cup of tea to sate me

i guess that's one of my quirks

i can't believe i do this daily

another night of thankless work

another company's mad with power

another rep i've gotta fight

and as i pen an angry letter

i found i've lost half of the night

mister fox, mister fox

you're too much, you're too much

they say

mister fox, mister fox

think you need to take

a vacay

but not today

stuck in berlin

the walls are thin

and i can hear my neighbor sing in french

stuck in this house

the night throughout

i wonder when this game will end

stuck in berlin

my patience thin

why do i try to fix the world?

stuck in my head

i'm filled with dread

i swear i think i'm gonna hurl

(i hate corn mazes.)

lost my way

in the maize

i have no sense of direction

lost the day

either way

think i need your protection

you got caught

thought you tied up your loose ends

thought that we could still be friends

for a minute i was with it

but your game's come to an end

thought that you were just my type

but you're just another fly

caught up in the web of lies

time to shrivel up and die

(wrote and performed this from my childhood bedroom.)

the lime green painted walls

just seem to say it all

it's a snapshot of the kid i was back then

and now it's hard to list

everything that i have missed

in this silly ditty i'm trying to pen

it's been years since i moved out

but in this room throughout

feels like nothing's really changed since i last left

every medal, every toy

every memory of joy

yet somehow deep inside i feel bereft

i'm approaching another trip around the sun

soulsearching

look at all that i have done

oh who have i become

fossilized inside the boxes

my inner child still sleeps

wonder if i'm what they wanted

what they hoped they'd grow up to be

fossilized behind the door

this larger child still weeps

begging for the hands to stop

for time to slow its beat

thought i'd be the one

to subvert expectation

but look at what i've done

just more of the same

i thought it'd never end

the joy found in creation

but i found that in time

it all goes away

i did this to myself

i think i need some help

it's time that i do some introspection

stuffed myself in a box

these lyrics all sound off

i think i need to find a new direction

i did this to myself

i think i need some help

i think i lost that human connection

i'm trapped inside a box

i know that i sound off

i think i need a sense of direction 

trick or treat, it's me

haven't seen you in a while

i was the bedsheet

that you cut up as a child

we had a good time, we

truly hit the motherload

two pails full of treats

then you had to hit the road

trick or treat, it's me

who will you dress as this year?

you know i still fit

in your closet i'm still here

some lacy lingerie

a pair of animal ears

have i just been replaced

by someone so dear?

ghost of costumes past

i can be sexy too

throw on some fishnets

a pair of pleasers too

ghost of costumes past

i know now sweets are not your thing

but will you wear me once again

i want my hem to feel the wind

one sister, head held high

one sister, aches to climb

one sister on the ground

blankets the others with her shroud

one sister left to dry

one sister frozen on the vine

one sister ripe and round

picked and gutted, she was found

what grows together goes together

what grows together goes together

i think you like me

you're always standing here right by me

i think you like me

you always treat me very kindly

i know it's kinda

inappropriate

given the situation

that you've put me in

i know you only want the money

but listen honey

i think i'm falling for you

you know you're frightening

when you wave that gun around but

it's quite exciting

to be your prisoner right now

i know it's kinda

inappropriate

given the situation

that you've put me in

i know you only want the money

but listen honey

i think i'm falling for you

i know the cops are calling but

will you take me when you go?

i know you're about to take the shot

i'd rather be dead than be alone

on the run

got my gun

gotta go

'cuz they know

got the bills

it's a thrill

that it came

together

jesus christ

we really pulled

this heist off

ain't it nice

that we got

what we wanted

jesus christ

we really pulled

this heist off

ain't it nice

finally got

what we wanted

lyrics would go here but these were mostly off the cuff! sorry, you're gonna have to transcribe it yourselves.

things i couldn't fit into the song:

• don't mix anything, ever
• obsessively listen to it after the party throughout the week and mull on your production mistakes
• completely forget to study for algorithms

dragged myself

across the laminate

for you babe

try'na see if

i can get your neck

to turn this way

i know it's foolish

that i still do this

put my body through

the wringer if

i think it'll make you

think about me

it's a bit selfish

but i can't help it

you sweep me off my feet

help help it's an emergency

i've fallen and i can't get up

i hope you know

you mean so very much to me

i've fallen and i can't get up

now watch me go

moved to a place

in this sweet new video game

moved to a new place

not a bell left in my name

moved to a new place

will this raccoon dog go yet

moved to a new place

about 18k in debt

christmas eve 2003

i was working at nook's cranny

christmas eve 2003

what an awakening for 10-year-old me

lucky me

welcome to the real world, colorado!

plant these pansys for me

a bird flying high

a wolf howling in the sky

an hourglass beneath a bearded man

very slowly running out of sand

a vapor trail

a plastic veil

a chimp

a tuft of air

without a care

a blimp

in the distance, the ten o' clock chimes

a realization in the back of my mind

summer's coming to an end

so let's watch some clouds, my friend

(compoing from my parents' house again)

dark waters

rush farther

my boat is sinking fast

dark waters

fight harder

hope somehow i can last

but i can't help but wonder

each time i go under

without a soul knowing

i can't help but wonder

each time i go under

oh where am i going

i was merely common then

a petty dull stone

carried to the mountainside

far from my home

and in their petty games

they fed me to the flames

i lost my optimism and my name

and in their petty games

they fed me to the flames

they thought i'd crumble

but they don't what they've made

forged anew

built it better

how the cogs

fit together

assembled with skill

the optimum build

i'm a hammer to steel

the machine made real

you just don't know

where you think the rest of your life should go

you feel alone

in this battle that you're fighting

seems like nothing's going right

i know it's hard sometimes to go

on like there's nothing wrong at home

keep looking up

oh soon the skies will clear

keep looking up

the dawn is almost here

what's the point in fretting over yesterday

when you can focus on the now, on what's today

you're good enough

keep looking up

(upped my dose to 100mg this week let's goooooooo)

about 20 minutes to go

i don't have anything for compo

deleted, recreated

three, four times

i'm running out of rhymes

why's the writers block now hitting me

i'd snap if i didn't have my sertraline

another daw crash, are you kidding me

i'd snap if i didn't have my sertraline

and whose dream is it really?

the house

the car

the pink garage

wish i could move more freely

but life ain't sweet

on pointed feet

i find no joy

in being your toy

for much longer

i've got the gas

i've got a plan

to sate this hunger

in waves of pink heat

detected

a mirror image

reflected

right in front of me

defective?

we take a gander

connect and

count our limbs and teeth

who's the fake

who is real

who can articulate

how they feel?

we play this game

to detect the bot

the simulation

sucks we ended up

with this problem

this situation

this conundrum gets much stranger

am i me or the

doppelganger

hoarder

holder of kingdoms lost

an empire's worth of wealth

held within its claws

destroyer

you've come to stake your claim

an empire's worth of blood

held within your name

yours for the taking

on this starless night

the dragon's waking

raise thy sword and fight

a storm like any other

can hear the thunder

call to the rain

hiding under the covers

next to my lover

is where i'll stay

and though i fear a strike

through landlines

or the shower

i think i'll be just fine

in one spot

for a few hours

it's loud outside

i'll stay indoors tonight

a flood of color

flood of radiating heat

another summer drenched

in reds, so sickly sweet

a neon haze above

that's flooding from the north

looks like i'll be spending summertime indoors

(i didn't think armageddon

was gonna be this a e s t h e t i c)

so another day has passed me by

i can feel it when the sun goes down

least i have you here by my side

stay with me until the sun goes down

sortes qui facit.

i never should've fallen

for a girl like you

'cuz you treat me so bad

but you're the best that i had

so that much is fair




i never should've fallen

for a girl like you

yeah we won't last forever

but we look good together

should we even care?




the way you drape over my arm at night

and the way that our cheekbones they catch the light




we're a picture perfect pair

but the love isn't there

cutting all ties

setting me free

in the end it's what is best for me

so i'm cutting loose

taking it easy

finding out what i want to be

but playing it cool

ain't what i do usually

i just sing the things you tell me

now what's left to do

other then hum awkwardly

hmm hmm hmm here comes the chorus

freedom's just another word

for not having to choose

and choice don't come easy to me

i'm stuck on the next line to write

oh what now can i do

i guess this is the price of being free  

once there was something there

now it's derelict and bare

i wonder if you care --

what happened to us?

no i can't help but mourn

what we could've made a home

what happened to our love?

what happened to us?

somewhere in the bones

i feel there's something

there worth saving

find the root cause

of it all --

the way we've

been behaving

somewhere in the weeds

of the resentment that's

been building

somewhere i can find

the way we were

reclaim it

if you wanted to, of course

reclaim it

we can take it back by force

in a rocket borrowed

in a distant echo

far away from what i know

i roam

in the faintest of glows

in the starlight meadow

far beyond the light goes

i'll go

further away

i'll be drifting

to the cosmic rhythm

the milky way

i feel it shifting

it's quite uplifting

so far i'll roam

i hope i find it soon

many moons

one i'll call home

i hope i find you soon

many moons

so i guess

the rest is over now, then

another era come and gone

should've seen this coming sooner, i guess

it's time for us to move along

another city block to ponder this mess

another traffic light to mope

another downpour to disguise my distress

but i'll try my best to cope

look at the whole city moving on

seems like everybody has a place to run to

look at the whole city moving on

still i can't find a way to be without you

i'm taking the last train home

alone this time,

without you

and it's like i lost a limb

to lose my dearest friend

tell me when this hurt will ever end

(my love letter to zombo.com)

must have slipped my mind

tell me how or why

i just spent the last

three hours on this site

honestly it's strange

nothing really changes

still i just spent the last

four hours scrolling by

i don't know how or why

this is how i waste my time

i don't know how or why

i should really get offline

so i waste my time

just smashing f5

waiting endlessly

for some dopamine

like a rat and a lever

will be on this page forever

scrolling endlessly

for some dopamine  

end of the line

top of the mountain

end of the climb

but the pressure's still mounting

you've reached the top

you got to where you wanted

you've reached the top

so what's left worth wanting now?

i'd rather be

flitting from tree to tree

than having you with your phone

documenting me

a blur on the screen

is all you'll ever see of me

a flash of wings

is all you're gonna get from me

no time for instagram, keep it movin'

no time for photographs, keep it movin'

here we are in tomorrow

far away from the sorrow

of the suburbs of old

no more lawns to be seeding

no more shovelling needed

in this bubble stronghold

still you say that

oh this isn't the way

to live life

so i say that

i don't need to touch the grass

i've got prime

i'm content living in the pod

so get in the pod

unsure if this is a ringtone or a 1-900 ad.

(PM me for the official colorado hotline)

try as you may, you can't get over how it's leading you this way.

try as you may, you can't move forward.

what good

is a gem out of the light?

what good

they can't see the way you shine

won't you let others

see your true colors

for a minute?



what good

is your shame this late at night?

you're good

know you're gonna be all right

make them believe

even if only for a minute



get them feeling fluorescent

when the lights are low

better let them know

who you are



you'll get them feeling fluorescent

cuz the lights are low

and you let them know

you're a star

baby you're a star

don't let your dreams be memes

(probably the most ridiculous thing i've made)

i'm callin' in the oath to order

i'm callin' upon you four

lord i can't keep it together

and each day i need you more

thought i exorcised my demons

but they hang over my head

don't know what it is i'm feeling

other than some sense of dread

and i thought the worst was over

but it's happening again

another day just like the others

another day stuck in my head

i'm callin' in the oath to order

i'm callin' upon you four

lord i can't keep it together

and each day i need you more

left my boyfriend

back at LAX

i didn't need him

rather jetset

with my two best friends

enjoy my freedom

i've got three tickets

you've got the moves

and though we're skimping out on legroom

we'll still groove

i've got a ziploc

you've got the booze

in those teeny tiny bottles

they're so cute

business in the front

party in the back

with us in coach

we're in coach baby

we don't have a lot

but we do the most

back here in coach

we're in coach baby

you were the runt of the litter

far from the coolest fish at school

weren't you?

you try to hide that you're bitter

behind the dream that you'd get big too

don't you?

you consumed

you consumed

til' you made your way to the top

you consume

you consume

but it's never gonna be enough

beneath the scales and the gills

there's something there that

gives me chills

you'd move in for the kill

when you smell fear

you get a thrill

i'll call it by its name

and i won't play your game

your motives are apparent

i hate you're this transparent

"There are several legends about the origin of the city's name. The most accepted version is the Ibanags' reply to the Spaniards when the latter asked for the name of the place — Tuggi gari yaw (this was cleared by fire)"

you only got one shot, kid.

you'll find your way.

ableton really didn't want me to participate in CBAT week

(the catbus came with the house)

and they say it's in my head

the anxiety the dread

and the sinking fear

that i might not last the day

but in the bathroom every night

can't help fear that out of sight

that a vengeful ghost waits for me with a knife

don't know how it got this way

how my scenery has changed

that the color in my life had gone away

i've stopped hanging with my friends

i don't go out, i don't have sex

cut all ties with the outside

so i don't die 

i think i'm trapped in a slasher

please stop your laughter

don't wanna be dismembered

i'll see you in november

when i'm not trapped in a slasher

(a song for when you accidentally marry the wrong swan waifu)

lyrics:

i'm begging you odette to take me back,

there's no telling who was who behind the mask

'cuz she moved like you

she moved like you

i'm begging you my love, to understand

my confusion as i went to take her hand

'cuz she felt like you

yeah, she felt like you

on the spot i proposed

how was i supposed to know?

both your names started with "o"

chorus:

hope you can forgive my

transgression

promise that my heart

is filled with regret

but she looked like you, odette

she looked like you

so before you drown yourself in that lake

understand why i made a simple mistake

she looked like you, odette

she looked like you

you're unsure if you're getting the midnight snack or if you're the midnight snack

testing out my mobile compo setup again! fingers crossed it won't piss off my in-laws!

(kinda improvised these off the cuff; kinda got sad that my favorite internet wife guy got outed as a cheater)

can't control 'em

all these feelings i got

tried to hold them

but i got caught up




didn't mean to get destructive

but you know i know what's up, yeah

threw away what's left of us with just one kiss

seeing red, my eyes are floodin'

thinking of the things you've done and

gonna make you sorry that you had that tryst

(it's a monsoon)

and i've got no remorse

(what's left of you)

when it all runs its course?

i'll get the divorce

don't say you love me

when you broke my heart

i'll wash my hands of you

get a new start

(it's a monsoon)

and i'm saying goodbye to you

darude/Misael.K cover

thought you called me on my bluff

but i think i'll follow through

so i'm packing up my stuff

told the cab to be here soon

and i know it would be better

if we choose to stick together

yet i don't want to admit that i was wrong

so i will not cast aside

all my hoarded foolish pride

and commit to the thought that i will be gone

i'm getting on the 8:15

taking lax to kennedy

and my heart still wants to stay

but my head is miles away

maybe one day they'll be back together soon

(working title was "don't piss yourself")

to come to terms

with the expected

a face of you

that you rejected

to come to terms

with the expected

deny the climb --

you fear rejection

(gotta get eight glasses)

come to terms

with the expected

the mask you don

that you pefected

come to terms

with the expected

the pressure

you've neglected

i'm spineless

possibly mindless

drifting along the waves

transparent

it's clearly apparent

i'm a suggestion of

a being most these days

i've given

up with ambition

guess i just changed my ways

wish i weren't

going with the current

but among the swarm i'll stay

i'll stay

this construct you've built

this network of silt

flows according to your will

beneath all the rust

how fragile their trust

another blockage in the duct

hazard of the trade

seek to eliminate

all that's standing in your way

hazard of the trade

seek to eliminate

all that's standing in your way

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

(also sorry i'll try not to render at 10:15 again)

JH this is my obligation

as a younger sibling

and i know that i am pushing it

i hope you can forgive me

tonight's theme is a free-for-all

so now's an ideal time

to ask you this in song and in rhyme

there's an a capella group

that hangs around Manhattan

and they've lost 'bout half their members*

since 2020 happened

and most of those who moved

were singing most of the low end 

JH please audition for The Current

and sorry that i did this

but i did what i must do

i meant it as a joke

but now i need to follow through

and this should be a pm

but i need to write this tune

if anyone near new york here can sing bass

(especially you JH)

the current has some space

* i actually don't know how many members they're down but it's a lot

didn't think i'd get this far

in the milky way in just my car

i'm so high

so high above

in this galaxy i go my way

no more prompting me for what to say

i'm too high

too high for it all

my nervousness i try to fight

i forgot that i'm afraid of heights

i'm too high

too high above

can someone get me down please?

return to earth

i don't know where

you got the bright idea

to start drinking jager again

cuz it's four in the morning

and i feel like snoring

but i gotta get you home, my friend

yes i know it's unnerving

in the back with my swerving

it's a risk you chose to take

so pardon the music

i need something amusing

just to keep myself awake

you needed a DD

so you're stuck with me

you needed a DD

so you're stuck with me

aaand you're home

another hearth's

burnt out

and your heart just

can't continue

at the pace its moving now

is it the fear

of pending danger?

or the woods just getting

stranger?

either way

you can't bring yourself to stay

no more living in this state

no more of this day by day

can you feel it coming back

that spot of hope

no more "leaving it to fate"

it's time to take the reins

it's time to go

no matter where we are

no matter where we roam

no matter what when i'm with you

i'll always be at home

i'll follow if you go

boldly into the big unknown

you don't have to do this alone 

don't get me started

it's quite a marvel

looking down down down

at that blue marble

caught myself stammer

at its silent glamour

way past the din, din, din

of earth, the clamor

and though the training was basura

still got up and put the suit on

don't know how i stayed committed

but (someway, somehow) i did it

now the hardest part has passed

i can kick back and just relax

with my non-descript light beer

(wait, did i bring a bottle opener here?)

i don't want to return

but i left my bottle opener on earth

thought i found out how to win at life

but i left the most important thing behind

summer in the sticks and

though i still can't get a signal

i keep checking for a call

and though i am away

from my responsibilities

i can't seem to rest at all

and though at your cajoling

i have stopped all the doomscrolling

there's that hole i'd have to fill

something to occupy

myself with all of this free time

seems the hours hang so still

in all of this heat

in all of this restlessness

can't get off my feet

i can't get myself to rest

(world goth day was this week!)

wattpad mirror from fanfiction.net: https://www.wattpad.com/826415041-my-immortal-chapter-1

instrumental because i don't want to wake up the kid

(still figuring out my mobile setup!)

burnt sienna seered into the yellow green

cutting into purple mountain majesty

i know it's shadows 'gainst the light

to me and bittersweet

but seeing through the labels

is enough for me

bet it's pretty when the sun hits right

thanks for taking me to these heights

(i miss my commute)

all PATHs lead to you baby

and from my windows every night

i can see the way you shine

is it true baby

that you're still movin' on?

oh you know it's been so long

will you wait for me?

i'm on the 163

will you wait for me?

oh, you best believe

i'm a

bridge and tunnel away

bridge and tunnel, so wait

by train or bus

you know i'll come

bridge and tunnel away

so begins ableton april, where i force myself to work/learn in ableton live for a month.

lyrics:

don't quite know the

lay of the land

since i've been

struck from the rolls

i've never quite left

my front steps

oh this pattern's all i know

i'll adjust i'm managing

i get the gist but

i don't speak the language yet

though i bet

i'm able to

i'm able to adapt

i'm able to

though i still quite feel trapped

i'm able to

i'm able to adapt

i'm able to

though i still quite feel trapped   

i knew a girl

who went by the name margarita

but the truth was

she wasn't as sweet

but she's pretty

and she's loaded

and her dad's a sheikh, uh

so i'm lucky that she sorta likes me

and my friends they

tried to find someone who'd treat me better

but i can't picture

someone else with me

so i did what any

other in my sitch would do

ignore advice

and then move in next week

i loved a girl

who went by the name margarita

but the truth was

she was always so dour

and all i've given up for her

my friends my dreams

couldn't save when her

affections grow sour

though the rose-tinted glasses

that i've taped to my face

ain't masking all those red flags so well

i'm lucky to be with my

ol' gal margarita

even though

she always puts me through hell

lucky to be her man

i swear it's not that bad

she's going through some things

she's not usually this mean

lucky she's still around

i know what's going down

she's going through some things

she's not usually this mean

(sorry this one's kinda mean)

well you're not really my type

but at least you've got a car

and though i can't stay out all night

i'm sure we can get pretty far

i'm tired of speculating

what it's like really dating

you seem to care so i guess

i should, too

so you take me to a spot

off of 4 and 17

where the shelves are stocked with... booster packs?

and the crowd looks kinda mean

i think it's kinda tragic

you dragged me to modern Magic

but you seem to care so

i guess i should, too

we're going nowhere fast

in your four-door sedan

still reeks of your dad's

marlboro reds

you said you want romance

to please give you a chance

but i think

this thing needs to end

(oh boy, a compo where i get to explain my songwriting process)

it seems

i know exactly what i'm doing

as i move with purpose through

the song

but i learned if you can

do things confidently

no one will know

if you it wrong

(i meant to do that)

the point to all of this

i'm tryin' to make

is that i've no idea

what is going on

no idea what i'm gonna do

with this song

(thanks Souperion for the song title! context for those who missed chat: had to re-write my OHC song 30 min in since the self-indulgent bluesy-belty-riffy-rock thing i was working on kept waking up mr. weeks. sorry, t!)

lyrics:

an endless blue

not a blues guitar in sight

some peace and quiet

on any other day i'd choose you

but i'm tired

leave me to my dreams

of blue danubes

and (please) try to

keep it down if you could?

on any other day i'd choose you

on any other day i'd choose you

on any other day i'd choose you

on any other day i'd choose you

lyrics:

(various attempts at saying "daddy")

(whoops, guess who accidentally fixated on those stairs in the first picture)

lyrics:

starting at square one

i swear i'll take the stairs this time

for once in my life

i've never felt the sun

brush me at such heights before

i think it could be fun

staring at the summit

feeling my stomach plummet

i want to, but i can't give up

one step and one step more, see?

at least i've got you with me

i guess i'll see you at the top

wanted to make a response to bjork's hyperballad

lyrics

what a sight

what a view

still so new

i'm still not used to this

living here

high up with you

but every noon

after you do

whatever you do at 6am

i climb down

and fetch all the spoons

i get it

you're terrified

but know while that's true

i'm here when

you need me

but i feel it too

the clatter at dawn every morning

the bottles and car parts in flight

have you ever thought ask me

if i'm also scared of heights?

this'll be the year

i get myself together

made myself a pact

this time to do much better

signed in violet ink

in smudged capital letters

"be the best me you can be

in 2020" (2? already?)

delete my shopping apps

and ones with food delivery

read up on mindfulness

to keep my thoughts real steady

re-joined my old gym

can't wait to get real sweaty

"planet fitness is now

closed this week for disinfection-" already?

[chorus]

catch me on teamspeak

crying into my lean cuisine

'cause it's shapin' up to be a

new year, same me

catch me at the listening party

vaping some cbd

'cause it's shapin' up to be a

new year, same me

new year, same me

new year, same me

new year, same me

don't know who else i could be

new year, same me

new year, same me

new year, same me

what do i want to be

ella fitzgerald cover, in the style of zooey deschanel/joseph gordon-levitt.

sorry for the double cover, i swear i'll write something original in 2022 ;_;

amy winehouse cover i couldn't finish cuz i ran out of time aaaaaa

bonus entry, please don't vote

lyrics:
(groan)
it's now, i guess?

there's a you-shaped piece

of baggage i carry

and it still weighs

on my heart heavily

they said i did the best i could

is it the best

when you are gone for good?

please tell me if i should

let go

toss it off a cliff

with the rest of it

let go

down into the rubble

with the rest of my troubles

wringing my hands

won't bring you back

so let me know

know if i can

let go

"Although the villagers had forgotten the ritual and lost the original black box, they still remembered to

use stones. The pile of stones the boys had made earlier was ready; there were stones on the ground

with the blowing scraps of paper that had come out of the box. Delacroix selected a stone so large she

had to pick it up with both hands and turned to Mrs. Dunbar. "Come on," she said. "Hurry up."

Mr. Dunbar had large stones in both hands, and she said, gasping for breath. "I can't run at all. You'll

have to go ahead, and I'll catch up with you."

The children had stones already. And someone gave little Davy Hutchinson few pebbles."

-- from "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson

according to some "secret of mana" wiki entry i must've seen a month ago, the japanese title also translates to "ritual." i had "The Lottery" in mind and all the speculated pomp and circumstance that used to go on pre-stoning when arranging this.

really wanted to feature a children's choir in there and wanted to support it with instruments that were equal parts "cute" and "unnerving:" celesta, glockenspiel, and pizzicato strings. i added some adult choir bits for extra meat. i also added a little bit of timpani that turned into a whole lot more timpani than i had anticipated.

here's to all of the classics

and everything in that demographic

first editions, flaky spines

thoughts run together in wavy lines

but still it's so tragic

to see them stripped of all of the magic

raw emotion in its prime

gone to humidity and time

(mini-keane cover, because i forgot to write lyrics ._.;;;;;;;)

you and seven other couples take to the floor. the scent of hairspray and roll-on body glitter hangs heavily in the air. you can see the hunger in everyone elses' eyes; like you, they've been training for months for a chance at the top spot. can you and your partner catch the eye of the judges, and can you remember to smile?

this was a love letter to my amateur ballroom competition days, and all the fierceness (both colloquially and literally, these were some beautiful, scary motherf--ckers) from my fellow competitors. shout out to my older brother, who broke a shelf with all of his dance medals and trophies. sadly, i never really placed much higher than a certificate of participation.

i really wanted to tap into the aggressive spirit of competitive dance; juxtaposing a social dance (salsa) with a battle theme was extremely fun. i don't think it's quite salsa enough to be considered salsa, but i think you can dance to it if you really tried (i was able to get a couple of steps down to it)

EDIT: tempo was really bugging me. i originally had it at the original 143 but it was too fast to dance to, so i slowed it down to 130 before submitting. now it's a slightly speedier but still dance-able 135.

pour me through a sieve

a scene in cinnamon and cream

i got one shot to espresso

oh, express the way i feel

i'm still redeyed and confused

about the way i feel 'bout you

'cuz you had made the coffee,

and i just shot the news

we fall into routines

and you don't know how much it meaned

to me the last time when you said

"there's pigeon shit on your jeans"

oh, when you shuddered down

after the virus came around

though i chug starbucks now

i miss the psl at ol' beantown

ripped a bit from "ozymandias," hope that's cool!

(lyrics)

bury me under a sheet of sand

bury me once more

like you did before

bury me under the seat

of your gilded throne

of blood and bone

water

feel the current coming

harder

feel my grief oncoming

(water)

while you waste time

building castles on the sand

water

hear my people shouting

harder

while you're empire's crumblin'

water

when the waves start calling

know i had a hand

look on thy works, ye mighty and despair

'cause i was there

of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

so say your prayers

when you say you see

parts of yourself in me

in the cuts and burns

reflected on my skin

but then suddenly

when reminded of your fraility

you resent

what i represent

and you fear what's within

that's why i can't be

the one you love

being with you doesn't feel right

don't say you need me

or that i'm sent from above

know it's just a trick of the light

take it step by step

keep your eyes ahead

don't lose sight of your goal

though it's hard to tread

please don't lose your head

you'll make it home

keep my head above water

though the current gets stronger

i'll keep the fight up longer

(i owe it to you)

though my doubt's gettin' louder

weakness grows by the hour

you couldn't be any prouder

(i owe it to you)

take it step by step

keep your eyes ahead

don't lose sight of your goal

though it's hard to tread

please don't lose your head

you'll make it home

take it step by step

keep your eyes ahead

don't lose sight of your goal

though it's hard to tread

please don't lose your head

you'll make it home

i dunno why i came here

air is brutal

sun's too near

ten bucks for water

so i chug my beer

bass is screaming       

i can't hear

thoughts over the speaker

tho i made it clear

i'd never come back in a million years

sorry for being a stick in the mud

i don't go out much these days

social anxiety coaxes out

demons in gestures most mundane

why'd that girl shoot me that look?

does she know all that it took

to get my butt out of-

(oh, i dropped my keys? oh thanks)

sorry for being a stick in the mud

i don't go out much these days

social anxiety coaxes out

demons in gestures most mundane

sorry for everything, i know you

wanted to see gojira play

social anxiety coaxes out

demons in gestures most mundane

another compo, another song where i only manage to write a verse and a chorus

(i guess it's time)

pack my things and go

'cuz i don't want to

deal with your shit no more

i bid you adieu

with all you put me through

and all i bled for

won't take more blows from you,

my so-called mentor

call disconnected

call it what you want,

but don't call to ever touch base

why ya still askin' for me?

ain't this you meant

when you said that you wanted space?

i wanted to capture the spirit of hearing a live jam in the park, something i've sorely been missing ever since i started working from home regularly. in-universe i pictured this happening by the benches near the route 35 entrance.

part of what drove the instrumentation for this was choosing/prioritizing acoustic instruments that were easy to lug into a park (well, save for the double bass.) as such, the drum section was replaced with bongos, a shaker, a tambourine, and a couple of human sounds (stomps and claps.) hopefully that's still considered MnP.

title is a play on the french title for Georges Seurat's "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte," which was a huge inspiration for this arrangement!

by the campfire, you reminisce about how you got here --

a sharp turn, a crash, a fall

partially inspired by mr. weeks himself. love you, t.

[lyrics]

you're the kind of tired sleep can't fix

and i'm so sick of watching

my cursor blink

so lets go

to the motel

on east young ave.

where we necked our first o'douls

we were young once, right?

tropicana waits

for me and you

was it really easier back then?

'cuz i had a stick up there

and you were much quieter then

let's just go

to the motel

on east young ave.

where you lost all your belt loops

you were young once, right?

tropicana waits

for me and you

but we'll go

to the motel

on east young ave

where i realized i love you

i was young once, right?

tropicana stays

for me and you

lyrics? in an hour? impossible

lyrics:

spent my days sittin'

where the grass ain't greener

you've got a new demeanor

is that what life's like

on the other side?

spend my nights wishin'

one day i'll be braver

i'll aim for somethin greater

but i can't move forward

no matter how i try

try as i may

i can't get over you

leavin me this way

try as i may

i can't move forward

try as i may

you tried your best i guess

but i just stay the same

you built the bridge

i can't get over it

(and you're gonna be okay)