ableton really didn't want me to participate in CBAT week

(the catbus came with the house)

and they say it's in my head

the anxiety the dread

and the sinking fear

that i might not last the day

but in the bathroom every night

can't help fear that out of sight

that a vengeful ghost waits for me with a knife

don't know how it got this way

how my scenery has changed

that the color in my life had gone away

i've stopped hanging with my friends

i don't go out, i don't have sex

cut all ties with the outside

so i don't die 

i think i'm trapped in a slasher

please stop your laughter

don't wanna be dismembered

i'll see you in november

when i'm not trapped in a slasher

(a song for when you accidentally marry the wrong swan waifu)

lyrics:

i'm begging you odette to take me back,

there's no telling who was who behind the mask

'cuz she moved like you

she moved like you

i'm begging you my love, to understand

my confusion as i went to take her hand

'cuz she felt like you

yeah, she felt like you

on the spot i proposed

how was i supposed to know?

both your names started with "o"

chorus:

hope you can forgive my

transgression

promise that my heart

is filled with regret

but she looked like you, odette

she looked like you

so before you drown yourself in that lake

understand why i made a simple mistake

she looked like you, odette

she looked like you

you're unsure if you're getting the midnight snack or if you're the midnight snack

testing out my mobile compo setup again! fingers crossed it won't piss off my in-laws!

(kinda improvised these off the cuff; kinda got sad that my favorite internet wife guy got outed as a cheater)

can't control 'em

all these feelings i got

tried to hold them

but i got caught up




didn't mean to get destructive

but you know i know what's up, yeah

threw away what's left of us with just one kiss

seeing red, my eyes are floodin'

thinking of the things you've done and

gonna make you sorry that you had that tryst

(it's a monsoon)

and i've got no remorse

(what's left of you)

when it all runs its course?

i'll get the divorce

don't say you love me

when you broke my heart

i'll wash my hands of you

get a new start

(it's a monsoon)

and i'm saying goodbye to you

darude/Misael.K cover

thought you called me on my bluff

but i think i'll follow through

so i'm packing up my stuff

told the cab to be here soon

and i know it would be better

if we choose to stick together

yet i don't want to admit that i was wrong

so i will not cast aside

all my hoarded foolish pride

and commit to the thought that i will be gone

i'm getting on the 8:15

taking lax to kennedy

and my heart still wants to stay

but my head is miles away

maybe one day they'll be back together soon

(working title was "don't piss yourself")

to come to terms

with the expected

a face of you

that you rejected

to come to terms

with the expected

deny the climb --

you fear rejection

(gotta get eight glasses)

come to terms

with the expected

the mask you don

that you pefected

come to terms

with the expected

the pressure

you've neglected

i'm spineless

possibly mindless

drifting along the waves

transparent

it's clearly apparent

i'm a suggestion of

a being most these days

i've given

up with ambition

guess i just changed my ways

wish i weren't

going with the current

but among the swarm i'll stay

i'll stay

this construct you've built

this network of silt

flows according to your will

beneath all the rust

how fragile their trust

another blockage in the duct

hazard of the trade

seek to eliminate

all that's standing in your way

hazard of the trade

seek to eliminate

all that's standing in your way

IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

(also sorry i'll try not to render at 10:15 again)

JH this is my obligation

as a younger sibling

and i know that i am pushing it

i hope you can forgive me

tonight's theme is a free-for-all

so now's an ideal time

to ask you this in song and in rhyme

there's an a capella group

that hangs around Manhattan

and they've lost 'bout half their members*

since 2020 happened

and most of those who moved

were singing most of the low end 

JH please audition for The Current

and sorry that i did this

but i did what i must do

i meant it as a joke

but now i need to follow through

and this should be a pm

but i need to write this tune

if anyone near new york here can sing bass

(especially you JH)

the current has some space

* i actually don't know how many members they're down but it's a lot

didn't think i'd get this far

in the milky way in just my car

i'm so high

so high above

in this galaxy i go my way

no more prompting me for what to say

i'm too high

too high for it all

my nervousness i try to fight

i forgot that i'm afraid of heights

i'm too high

too high above

can someone get me down please?

return to earth

i don't know where

you got the bright idea

to start drinking jager again

cuz it's four in the morning

and i feel like snoring

but i gotta get you home, my friend

yes i know it's unnerving

in the back with my swerving

it's a risk you chose to take

so pardon the music

i need something amusing

just to keep myself awake

you needed a DD

so you're stuck with me

you needed a DD

so you're stuck with me

aaand you're home

another hearth's

burnt out

and your heart just

can't continue

at the pace its moving now

is it the fear

of pending danger?

or the woods just getting

stranger?

either way

you can't bring yourself to stay

no more living in this state

no more of this day by day

can you feel it coming back

that spot of hope

no more "leaving it to fate"

it's time to take the reins

it's time to go

no matter where we are

no matter where we roam

no matter what when i'm with you

i'll always be at home

i'll follow if you go

boldly into the big unknown

you don't have to do this alone 

don't get me started

it's quite a marvel

looking down down down

at that blue marble

caught myself stammer

at its silent glamour

way past the din, din, din

of earth, the clamor

and though the training was basura

still got up and put the suit on

don't know how i stayed committed

but (someway, somehow) i did it

now the hardest part has passed

i can kick back and just relax

with my non-descript light beer

(wait, did i bring a bottle opener here?)

i don't want to return

but i left my bottle opener on earth

thought i found out how to win at life

but i left the most important thing behind

summer in the sticks and

though i still can't get a signal

i keep checking for a call

and though i am away

from my responsibilities

i can't seem to rest at all

and though at your cajoling

i have stopped all the doomscrolling

there's that hole i'd have to fill

something to occupy

myself with all of this free time

seems the hours hang so still

in all of this heat

in all of this restlessness

can't get off my feet

i can't get myself to rest

(world goth day was this week!)

wattpad mirror from fanfiction.net: https://www.wattpad.com/826415041-my-immortal-chapter-1

instrumental because i don't want to wake up the kid

(still figuring out my mobile setup!)

burnt sienna seered into the yellow green

cutting into purple mountain majesty

i know it's shadows 'gainst the light

to me and bittersweet

but seeing through the labels

is enough for me

bet it's pretty when the sun hits right

thanks for taking me to these heights

(i miss my commute)

all PATHs lead to you baby

and from my windows every night

i can see the way you shine

is it true baby

that you're still movin' on?

oh you know it's been so long

will you wait for me?

i'm on the 163

will you wait for me?

oh, you best believe

i'm a

bridge and tunnel away

bridge and tunnel, so wait

by train or bus

you know i'll come

bridge and tunnel away

so begins ableton april, where i force myself to work/learn in ableton live for a month.

lyrics:

don't quite know the

lay of the land

since i've been

struck from the rolls

i've never quite left

my front steps

oh this pattern's all i know

i'll adjust i'm managing

i get the gist but

i don't speak the language yet

though i bet

i'm able to

i'm able to adapt

i'm able to

though i still quite feel trapped

i'm able to

i'm able to adapt

i'm able to

though i still quite feel trapped   

i knew a girl

who went by the name margarita

but the truth was

she wasn't as sweet

but she's pretty

and she's loaded

and her dad's a sheikh, uh

so i'm lucky that she sorta likes me

and my friends they

tried to find someone who'd treat me better

but i can't picture

someone else with me

so i did what any

other in my sitch would do

ignore advice

and then move in next week

i loved a girl

who went by the name margarita

but the truth was

she was always so dour

and all i've given up for her

my friends my dreams

couldn't save when her

affections grow sour

though the rose-tinted glasses

that i've taped to my face

ain't masking all those red flags so well

i'm lucky to be with my

ol' gal margarita

even though

she always puts me through hell

lucky to be her man

i swear it's not that bad

she's going through some things

she's not usually this mean

lucky she's still around

i know what's going down

she's going through some things

she's not usually this mean

(sorry this one's kinda mean)

well you're not really my type

but at least you've got a car

and though i can't stay out all night

i'm sure we can get pretty far

i'm tired of speculating

what it's like really dating

you seem to care so i guess

i should, too

so you take me to a spot

off of 4 and 17

where the shelves are stocked with... booster packs?

and the crowd looks kinda mean

i think it's kinda tragic

you dragged me to modern Magic

but you seem to care so

i guess i should, too

we're going nowhere fast

in your four-door sedan

still reeks of your dad's

marlboro reds

you said you want romance

to please give you a chance

but i think

this thing needs to end

(oh boy, a compo where i get to explain my songwriting process)

it seems

i know exactly what i'm doing

as i move with purpose through

the song

but i learned if you can

do things confidently

no one will know

if you it wrong

(i meant to do that)

the point to all of this

i'm tryin' to make

is that i've no idea

what is going on

no idea what i'm gonna do

with this song

(thanks Souperion for the song title! context for those who missed chat: had to re-write my OHC song 30 min in since the self-indulgent bluesy-belty-riffy-rock thing i was working on kept waking up mr. weeks. sorry, t!)

lyrics:

an endless blue

not a blues guitar in sight

some peace and quiet

on any other day i'd choose you

but i'm tired

leave me to my dreams

of blue danubes

and (please) try to

keep it down if you could?

on any other day i'd choose you

on any other day i'd choose you

on any other day i'd choose you

on any other day i'd choose you

lyrics:

(various attempts at saying "daddy")

(whoops, guess who accidentally fixated on those stairs in the first picture)

lyrics:

starting at square one

i swear i'll take the stairs this time

for once in my life

i've never felt the sun

brush me at such heights before

i think it could be fun

staring at the summit

feeling my stomach plummet

i want to, but i can't give up

one step and one step more, see?

at least i've got you with me

i guess i'll see you at the top

wanted to make a response to bjork's hyperballad

lyrics

what a sight

what a view

still so new

i'm still not used to this

living here

high up with you

but every noon

after you do

whatever you do at 6am

i climb down

and fetch all the spoons

i get it

you're terrified

but know while that's true

i'm here when

you need me

but i feel it too

the clatter at dawn every morning

the bottles and car parts in flight

have you ever thought ask me

if i'm also scared of heights?

this'll be the year

i get myself together

made myself a pact

this time to do much better

signed in violet ink

in smudged capital letters

"be the best me you can be

in 2020" (2? already?)

delete my shopping apps

and ones with food delivery

read up on mindfulness

to keep my thoughts real steady

re-joined my old gym

can't wait to get real sweaty

"planet fitness is now

closed this week for disinfection-" already?

[chorus]

catch me on teamspeak

crying into my lean cuisine

'cause it's shapin' up to be a

new year, same me

catch me at the listening party

vaping some cbd

'cause it's shapin' up to be a

new year, same me

new year, same me

new year, same me

new year, same me

don't know who else i could be

new year, same me

new year, same me

new year, same me

what do i want to be

ella fitzgerald cover, in the style of zooey deschanel/joseph gordon-levitt.

sorry for the double cover, i swear i'll write something original in 2022 ;_;

amy winehouse cover i couldn't finish cuz i ran out of time aaaaaa

bonus entry, please don't vote

lyrics:
(groan)
it's now, i guess?

there's a you-shaped piece

of baggage i carry

and it still weighs

on my heart heavily

they said i did the best i could

is it the best

when you are gone for good?

please tell me if i should

let go

toss it off a cliff

with the rest of it

let go

down into the rubble

with the rest of my troubles

wringing my hands

won't bring you back

so let me know

know if i can

let go

"Although the villagers had forgotten the ritual and lost the original black box, they still remembered to

use stones. The pile of stones the boys had made earlier was ready; there were stones on the ground

with the blowing scraps of paper that had come out of the box. Delacroix selected a stone so large she

had to pick it up with both hands and turned to Mrs. Dunbar. "Come on," she said. "Hurry up."

Mr. Dunbar had large stones in both hands, and she said, gasping for breath. "I can't run at all. You'll

have to go ahead, and I'll catch up with you."

The children had stones already. And someone gave little Davy Hutchinson few pebbles."

-- from "The Lottery" by Shirley Jackson

according to some "secret of mana" wiki entry i must've seen a month ago, the japanese title also translates to "ritual." i had "The Lottery" in mind and all the speculated pomp and circumstance that used to go on pre-stoning when arranging this.

really wanted to feature a children's choir in there and wanted to support it with instruments that were equal parts "cute" and "unnerving:" celesta, glockenspiel, and pizzicato strings. i added some adult choir bits for extra meat. i also added a little bit of timpani that turned into a whole lot more timpani than i had anticipated.

here's to all of the classics

and everything in that demographic

first editions, flaky spines

thoughts run together in wavy lines

but still it's so tragic

to see them stripped of all of the magic

raw emotion in its prime

gone to humidity and time

(mini-keane cover, because i forgot to write lyrics ._.;;;;;;;)

you and seven other couples take to the floor. the scent of hairspray and roll-on body glitter hangs heavily in the air. you can see the hunger in everyone elses' eyes; like you, they've been training for months for a chance at the top spot. can you and your partner catch the eye of the judges, and can you remember to smile?

this was a love letter to my amateur ballroom competition days, and all the fierceness (both colloquially and literally, these were some beautiful, scary motherf--ckers) from my fellow competitors. shout out to my older brother, who broke a shelf with all of his dance medals and trophies. sadly, i never really placed much higher than a certificate of participation.

i really wanted to tap into the aggressive spirit of competitive dance; juxtaposing a social dance (salsa) with a battle theme was extremely fun. i don't think it's quite salsa enough to be considered salsa, but i think you can dance to it if you really tried (i was able to get a couple of steps down to it)

EDIT: tempo was really bugging me. i originally had it at the original 143 but it was too fast to dance to, so i slowed it down to 130 before submitting. now it's a slightly speedier but still dance-able 135.

pour me through a sieve

a scene in cinnamon and cream

i got one shot to espresso

oh, express the way i feel

i'm still redeyed and confused

about the way i feel 'bout you

'cuz you had made the coffee,

and i just shot the news

we fall into routines

and you don't know how much it meaned

to me the last time when you said

"there's pigeon shit on your jeans"

oh, when you shuddered down

after the virus came around

though i chug starbucks now

i miss the psl at ol' beantown

ripped a bit from "ozymandias," hope that's cool!

(lyrics)

bury me under a sheet of sand

bury me once more

like you did before

bury me under the seat

of your gilded throne

of blood and bone

water

feel the current coming

harder

feel my grief oncoming

(water)

while you waste time

building castles on the sand

water

hear my people shouting

harder

while you're empire's crumblin'

water

when the waves start calling

know i had a hand

look on thy works, ye mighty and despair

'cause i was there

of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

so say your prayers

when you say you see

parts of yourself in me

in the cuts and burns

reflected on my skin

but then suddenly

when reminded of your fraility

you resent

what i represent

and you fear what's within

that's why i can't be

the one you love

being with you doesn't feel right

don't say you need me

or that i'm sent from above

know it's just a trick of the light

take it step by step

keep your eyes ahead

don't lose sight of your goal

though it's hard to tread

please don't lose your head

you'll make it home

keep my head above water

though the current gets stronger

i'll keep the fight up longer

(i owe it to you)

though my doubt's gettin' louder

weakness grows by the hour

you couldn't be any prouder

(i owe it to you)

take it step by step

keep your eyes ahead

don't lose sight of your goal

though it's hard to tread

please don't lose your head

you'll make it home

take it step by step

keep your eyes ahead

don't lose sight of your goal

though it's hard to tread

please don't lose your head

you'll make it home

i dunno why i came here

air is brutal

sun's too near

ten bucks for water

so i chug my beer

bass is screaming       

i can't hear

thoughts over the speaker

tho i made it clear

i'd never come back in a million years

sorry for being a stick in the mud

i don't go out much these days

social anxiety coaxes out

demons in gestures most mundane

why'd that girl shoot me that look?

does she know all that it took

to get my butt out of-

(oh, i dropped my keys? oh thanks)

sorry for being a stick in the mud

i don't go out much these days

social anxiety coaxes out

demons in gestures most mundane

sorry for everything, i know you

wanted to see gojira play

social anxiety coaxes out

demons in gestures most mundane

another compo, another song where i only manage to write a verse and a chorus

(i guess it's time)

pack my things and go

'cuz i don't want to

deal with your shit no more

i bid you adieu

with all you put me through

and all i bled for

won't take more blows from you,

my so-called mentor

call disconnected

call it what you want,

but don't call to ever touch base

why ya still askin' for me?

ain't this you meant

when you said that you wanted space?

i wanted to capture the spirit of hearing a live jam in the park, something i've sorely been missing ever since i started working from home regularly. in-universe i pictured this happening by the benches near the route 35 entrance.

part of what drove the instrumentation for this was choosing/prioritizing acoustic instruments that were easy to lug into a park (well, save for the double bass.) as such, the drum section was replaced with bongos, a shaker, a tambourine, and a couple of human sounds (stomps and claps.) hopefully that's still considered MnP.

title is a play on the french title for Georges Seurat's "A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte," which was a huge inspiration for this arrangement!

by the campfire, you reminisce about how you got here --

a sharp turn, a crash, a fall

partially inspired by mr. weeks himself. love you, t.

[lyrics]

you're the kind of tired sleep can't fix

and i'm so sick of watching

my cursor blink

so lets go

to the motel

on east young ave.

where we necked our first o'douls

we were young once, right?

tropicana waits

for me and you

was it really easier back then?

'cuz i had a stick up there

and you were much quieter then

let's just go

to the motel

on east young ave.

where you lost all your belt loops

you were young once, right?

tropicana waits

for me and you

but we'll go

to the motel

on east young ave

where i realized i love you

i was young once, right?

tropicana stays

for me and you

lyrics? in an hour? impossible

lyrics:

spent my days sittin'

where the grass ain't greener

you've got a new demeanor

is that what life's like

on the other side?

spend my nights wishin'

one day i'll be braver

i'll aim for somethin greater

but i can't move forward

no matter how i try

try as i may

i can't get over you

leavin me this way

try as i may

i can't move forward

try as i may

you tried your best i guess

but i just stay the same

you built the bridge

i can't get over it

(and you're gonna be okay)