i don't go camping

in the woods

might die of thirst

run out of food

don't go exploring

the great outdoors

might get lost

out in the moors

or in the forest

amongst the trees

eaten by bear

attacked by bees

never stay anywhere

that doesn't have a concierge

or an ice machine

on every floor

and a minifridge packed with snacks and more

i don't go sleeping

in a tent

not how my evenings

should be spent

in the wilderness

eaten by bear

cuz Mother Nature

doesn't care

never stay anywhere

that doesn't have a concierge

or an ice machine

on every floor

and a minifridge packed with snacks and more

here comes a solo

on the guitar

just playin' random notes

but it goes hard

never stay anywhere

that doesn't have a concierge

or an ice machine

on every floor

and a minifridge packed with snacks and more

it's just a river in egypt

you can stop listening to that therapist

it's just a river in egypt

you can stop taking those pills

the voices are real

so you should do what they squeal

it's just a river in egypt

you can ignore that therapist

you can stop taking those pills

listen to the voices

they don't mean you ill

it's just a river in egypt

don't you go listening to that therapist

listen instead to the voices

let them guide your choices

Run until your piss is red

run until you're almost dead

run until you shit your pants

run until your body can't

jumping over garbage piles

dodging homeless zombies

jogging for 26 miles

when the endorphins hit you know you gotta

run until you cross the finish line

run until the others are left behind

run until your lungs are about to explode

run until your heart can't take the load

run until the organ damage

starts to interfere with your marriage

run until your nose is bleeding

run because you are still leading

jumping over garbage piles

dodging homeless zombies

jogging for 26 miles

when the endorphins hit you know you gotta

run

might've hit the wall

but only three feet tall

find a gullible couple

and get them to adopt

pretend to be a tard

eat dirt

play in their yard

but when they go to bed

steal their credit cards

"where are all these strange charges coming from?"

they were looking to raise a child

what they got was something wild

as the anomalies start to pile

she sits there with a creepy smile

"where did my jewelry go?"

"My wallet had money in it, where it went does anyone know?"

now it's time to go to school

will the other kids be fooled?

perhaps that substitute teacher knew

get them alone

use a sharpened tool

you burn more calories chewing it than it contains

when you're done with your submarine sandwich

it's all that remains

shredded iceberg lettuce on your plate

shredded iceberg lettuce sent by fate

a wedge of it's the cheapest salad you can make

a splash of any dressing no need to bake

a wedge of iceberg lettuce on your plate

a wedge of iceberg lettuce sent by fate

wads of iceberg lettuce in your mouth

plant some iceberg lettuce

near your house

a head of iceberg lettuce on your plate

a head of iceberg lettuce sent by fate

live, no overdubs, lots of busses to various compressors and EQ in post though

great place to hide

this old refrigerator

scrunch up inside

they'll come look for you later

i'll close the door

unaware of the danger

when i got found

went home and watched Power Rangers

little Timmy hasn't been see in three days

where we last saw him

nobody says

national champion

of hide 'n seek

corpse retrieval dogs will find him

in a couple weeks

great place to hide

the trunk of this old car

after what happened to Timmy

I won't go too far

i shut the lid

discounting the danger

when I get found

went home and watched Power Rangers

little Sally hasn't been seen in three days

where we last saw her

nobody says

she's the new champion

of hide 'n seek

corpse retrieval dogs will find her

in a couple of weeks

in which i make terrible noises with a clarinet while ignoring my voicemail

slide it out of its pouch

hiding it from lover and spouse

glide it up while you lay on the couch

mind you wet it first with your mouth

because when it comes it comes glass

penetrating pussy and ass

if you come

you'll come last

assuming the double dong crystal dildo

gives you a chance

archaic relic from a primitive tribe

sold by Peruvian merchants who displayed it with pride

you know you had to have it when it caught your eye

just to feel its magic when you put it inside

because when it comes it comes glass

penetrating pussy and ass

if you come

you'll come last

assuming the double dong crystal dildo

gives you a chance

quartz in your cooch

quartz pushing in your poop

crystal magic enwidening you

quartz in your chooch

quartz pushing in your poop

crystal magic enwidening you

because when it comes it comes glass

penetrates pussy and ass

if you come

you'll come last

assuming the double dong crystal dildo

gives you a chance

why are you trying to get on this ride

and why do you think you can squeeze your fat ass inside

these teacups are intended for kids from three to twelve

now take a look at the size that seat

and look at yourself

how did you let yourself get so wide

and how do you expect me to find a harness in your size

this kingdom might be magic

and your obesity is tragic

but we obey the laws of physics

so point your mobility scooter

in the direction of the food court

and maybe google some heart health statistics

these teacups are intended for kids from three to twelve

now take a look at the size that seat

and look at yourself

charred remains of grandma

sealed in a pot of clay

displayed next to aunt ethel

a museum of remains

one day it'll finally be your turn

to spend all of eternity in an urn

unless (unless!) future archaeologists dig you up

and pour you into glass vials for scientific experiments

awakening yoursoul

cursing those who disturbed your home

visiting them with blight and death

haunted until their last breath

one day it'll finally be your turn

to spend all of eternity in an urn

sitting high and mighty on your shelf

no more concerns about your mental health

one day it will finally be your turn

to spend all of eternity in an urn

sitting high and mighty on your shelf

no more concerns about your mental health

i tried to fix it in post

i did not succeed

liars get silenced

losers get bruises

fuck with my shit you'll wake up with contusions

gangstas get money, SUVs and bitches

now let's discuss what we do to snitches

who did you talk to?

what do they know?

is anyone savvy to my shipment of blow?

have they been listening?

do they know our plans?

will they find the guns we bought from Tehran?

employers need lawyers

and a team in HR

I wait for you

in the back of your car

of course could find you

on any day

that cop that you blabbed to?

I made sure he got paid

who did you talk to?

what do they know?

is anyone savvy to my shipment of blow?

have they been listening?

do they know our plans?

will they find the girls we kidnapped in Milan?

tear it out

root and stem

contradictions to the holy text

burn them out

in their homes

false deceivers with unholy tomes

punish all the spreaders of heresy

purifying flame expunging blasphemy

we must see that they're all purged

before they infiltrate our Mother Church

Inquisition

moving fast

orthodoxy

achieved at last

punish all the spreaders of heresy

purifying flame expunging blasphemy

sword and shield

fiery siege

until the doctrine

has been cleaned

iron pikes

a holy war

their faith of lies

shall be no more

(and a special FU to Apple for deciding to automatically update Logic Pro to no longer be compatible with their own gd remote control app.

look at that thing!

it is huge

look at that thing!

it is wide

look at that thing!

it is thick

gigantic ziggurat

in the sky

can you wrap your mind

around something so massive?

or will you lay there on your bed

remaining passive?

look at that thing!

it is girthy

just look at that thing!

it is throbbing

look at that thing

it's p-normous

gigantic ziggurat

passing by

can you wrap your mind

around something so massive?

or will you lay there on your back

remaining passive?

can you wrap your mind

around something so massive?

or will you lay there on your back

remaining passive?

spray painting dicks on the schoolhouse walls

spray painting dicks on the teacher's car

spray painting dicks on the neighbors dog

waving my dick

at your mom

sneaking out at night

rattling my can

handkerchief pulled tight

painting dicks throughout the land

on your house i paint a dick

stream the whole thing live on Kick

when you wake up call the cops

they just laugh and take a report

everyone laughs at your home

it's covered in dick pics

sneaking out at night

rattling my can

handkerchief pulls tight

painting dicks across the land

spray painting dicks both cut and uncut

spray painting dicks on the Pizza Hut

spray painting dicks with and without hair

spray painting dicks nearly everywhere

spray painting dicks on the schoolhouse walls

spray painting dicks on the teacher's car

spray painting dicks on the neighbors dog

waving my dick

at your mom

sneaking out at night

rattling my can

handkerchief pulled tight

painting dicks throughout the land

it's time to say a few words

about our late friend Theodore

so I made a slideshow

of what we found in his sock drawer

maybe i'm not the right person

to give Ted's eulogy

i'm not the right person

to lend his accomplishments credibility

we found a lot of pictures

of young men without shirts

his wife made many excuses

before claiming they were hers

maybe i'm not the right person

to give Ted's eulogy

i'm not the right person

to lend his accomplishments credibility

we found drugs and evidence

he had a secret family across town

come meet your new half-sisters

while their mother isn't around

maybe i'm not the right person

to give Ted's eulogy

i'm not the right person

to lend his accomplishments credibility

Get in the bus

we're off to the state park

take pictures of leaves

and trees that have

strange bark

bring your permission slip

and shoes that have good grip

stay with your buddy

and where you can see me

only one returned from Mrs. Carlton's field trip

no bodies ever found

just a couple suspicious foot prints

jimmy put that down you don't know where it's been

i thought i told you ashleigh don't leave crumbs on the ground

simon you're sitting in poison ivy

i'm not lost just a little turned around

only one returned from Mrs. Carlton's field trip

no bodies were found

just a couple suspicious foot prints

Mrs. Carlton doesn't remember

what happened on the field trip.

If you ask her she sobs,

"what happened on the field trip?!"

Stay calm everyone

it's only some bear

the chance they attack

is simply quite rare

everyone stay still

i know just what to do

i'll go get help

i run faster than you

rising from an empty grave

a spectre coming for you

dragged into the cemetary

stuffed into a tomb

死ね死ね死んでる

past the iron gates

死ね死ね死んでる

your resting place awaits

wasted time is money

how much do you have left?

any lasting memories

to leave to the bereft?

死ね死ね死んでる

past the iron gates

死ね死ね死んでる

your resting place awaits

you don't know when

you won't know why

when the reaper's standing there

you know you will die

unstuck in time

must find the line

to bring me back to my place

in the 4th dimension

navigate the branches of my decisions

avoid the temptation to make any revisions

the spice will flow

as my weenie grows

i got a giant sand worm

you should get to know

have a face full of my gom jabbar

then i'll drop you off

fairly close to your car

the horny-thopter's hovering

it's time to get Hoovering

sure come back to my place

and watch me play Elden Ring

but there's one thing

that you should know

the bulge in my pants

means i'm ready to go

because the spice must flow

look to the future

sorry got some in your eyes

wipe it off before it dries

or else the spice won't flow

it'll just stay there on your nose

maybe leave stains in your clothes

as we both know

the spice must flow

new updates for my old mac

downloading for an hour

why ask me now

can't you see

that i'm really friggin busy

the older the machine the longer it takes to reboot

that disc you didnt clean may or may not survive the reboot

wait so damned long

now it's back

finally get this project started

where are my files

or my drives

this reboot was such fuckin bullshit

the older the machine the longer it takes to reboot

that disc you didnt clean may or may not survive the reboot

new patches

for this PC

that I left up in my attic

it had windows 10

now they say

that i must upgrade to 11

the older the machine the longer it takes to reboot

that disc you didnt clean may or may not survive the reboot

(the only limitation is yourself)

i got a website

guess what we sell?

We send you tires

put 'em on yourself

went into business

a bit too soon

10 years before

the ecommerce boom

i got a website

guess what we need?

celebrity spokesmen

on your TV

went into business

a bit too soon

10 years before

the ecommerce boom

we'll take on debt

make a superbowl ad

VC guys pay for it

now their investors are mad.

i emerge covered in blood

i converge with the mood

i pop out (emerge into the light)

from between your legs (pop on out, and say 'hi')

the consequence

of when you had sex

this song is too long

it has no lyrics

i discovered during mixdown that two drum mics weren't working.

ONE OF THEM WAS THE MAIN SNARE

baby it's cold outside

time to lick my dicksical

use your warm tongue

try to get every side

be clinical

i nearly froze my balls off

getting your Starbucks

the least you can do is warm me up

once i get my clothes off

there are new fruity flavors

inside my dicksical

come and try them out

i just ate pineapple

i nearly froze my balls off

getting your Starbucks

the least you can do is warm me up

once i get my clothes off

i nearly froze my balls off

getting your Starbucks

the least you can do is warm me up

once i get my clothes off

is it time

for the buttocks outline?

my body is ready

pants at ankles

knees are steady

i sit down

in the wet cement

the outline of my ass

preserved for ages

as it was meant

could one of you give me a hand

so i can stand up?

hey I'm still falling backwards

and now i can't stop

i sink down

into wet cement

the body of an asshole

now just skeleton

i sink down

into wet cement

the body of an asshole

now just a skeleton

there's something wrong with my dishwasher

it hasn't cleaned any of my plates

i bought it plenty of detergent

so maybe i'll just have to wait

none of the forks have been cleaned

none of the knives have been cleaned

(this dirty glass has the logo of my favorite team)

none of the spoons have been cleaned

none of the sporks have been cleaned

(this bowl still has a thick crust of cream)

there's something off about my dishwasher

filthy utensils, pots, and pans

all of this cookware keeps piling up

now i can't locate a single clean cup

none of the knives have been cleaned

none of the forks have been cleaned

(this dirty glass has the logo of my favorite team)

none of the spoons have been cleaned

none of the sporks have been cleaned

(this bowl still has a thick crust of cream)

none of the spoons have been cleaned

none of the forks have been cleaned

(this dirty glass has the logo of my favorite team)

none of the knives have been cleaned

none of the sporks have been cleaned

(this bowl still has a thick crust of cream)

i am a warrior

behind the keyboard

i have a lot to say

when i'm drunk and bored

but if i see you

in the grocery store

more to another aisle

hide by the loading door

keyboard warriors unite

find a dojo

learn to fight

reply guys time to check in

fashion polearms

if you want to win

behind my keyboard

i write the hot takes

like a urinal

i got the minty cakes

but if i see you

vlogging your heartaches

i'm gunna photobomb

and spam some deepfakes

keyboard warriors unite

find a dojo

learn to fight

reply guys time to check in

3D print ghost guns

cuz it's time to win

keyboard warriors unite

find a dojo

learn to fight

reply guys time to check in

fashion polearms

if you want to win

ream of paper

fresh in the plastic

remove a sheet

time for something nasty

slide the paper between your lips

try to see if we can leave a mark on your clit

fancy cardstock

best used for invitations

now it's used

for leaving lacerations

slide the paper between your lips

try to leave a mark on your clit

sittin' in the bathroom

six pack and a handle

tub water's hot

got a razor

got a candle

gunna slide in

slide out of my skin

left my phone in the kitchen

by the garbage bin

i'm checkin' out of this Holiday Inn

sick of being sick

tired of being tired

hate never sleeping

always being wired

what is the plan here?

glad you inquired

i'm gunna float away

gone tomorrow here today

i'm gunna float away

drop the curtain on this play

sittin' in a Denny's

shoulda gone to Friendly's

2AM on a week night in mid-may

paid the check

last kiss to my fiancee

4 hours later get a call from the polizei

why'd i let her drive home

she's still drunk

i oughta known

recriminations

to send me off to the unknown

my world is turning gray

this is my final say

i'll never be ok

this is the price i pay

i'm gunna float away

gone tomorrow here today

i'm gunna float away

drop the curtain on this play

floating away...

i might be in the wrong hole but i'm in the right ballpark

i guess you had a preference but now that's gunna leave a mark

one smelled too crappy

one smelled too fishy

so i picked the tightest one and hoped i'd come quickly

we are so close

yet so far apart

sounding isn't easy

it's something of an art

sure it was the wrong hole

but still in that ballpark

there's a lotta hair down there

shave it into a mark

how did it get in there

how will i get back out

post a pic on OnlyFans and farm it for clout

we are so close

yet so far apart

sounding isn't easy

it's something of an art

from my point of view

all i see is your taint

thought this flashlight would help

but it ain't

there's no sign of Mr. Cuddleberry up in there

that's the third hamster we've lost

in your derriere

from my point of view

it's just a brown hole

with a stray kernel of corn

somehow still whole

there's no sign of Mr. Cuddleberry up in there

He's the third hamster we've lost

godspeed Mr. Cuddleberry

they made the frogs gay

despite what the normies say

they tried to make

the whole story go away

i won't forget

now they have to deal with RFK

what if we never

went to the moon

i reckon we might have

but it's too soon

to judge

they lie about so much

i wear the tinfoil hat

your 5G radiation can't penetrate that

i'll wear the tinfoil hat

i even made one for my cat

remember the bilderbergs

remember the lab leak

remember thalidomide

remember the oil peak

they made the frogs gay

i'll wear the tinfoil hat

your 5G radiation can't penetrate that

i wear the tinfoil hat

i even made one for my cat

i dont think ive gone over the 3:00 limit in a long time. and yeah there was a perfect place to fade out at 2:30... but every once in awhile you gotta let loose a little.

what do you mean the baby oil

wasn't squeezed from fresh babies?

i have similar questions about my hemorrhoid creme

what do these labels even mean

i feel betrayed

by what the products say with their names

their lies arrayed

and it's driving me insane

what do you mean i cannot feed the cheese?

why else would they call it

cheese food

now i'm in a foul mood

i feel betrayed

by what these products say with their names

their lies arrayed

and it's driving me insane

i feel betrayed

by what these products say with their names

their lies arrayed

and it's driving me insane

(follow by a reaction to not being able to hold the drumsticks anymore and doing another take)

my wife won't believe me

when i say i wasn't at the club

but this goddamn glitter won't come off

i got it from an office christmas card

and i opened it up and it just spilled glitter all into my lap

and then Janice from HR she was laughing at me and she offered to suck it off of my crotch and that just made things worse

who are these people

that give glitter christmas cards

that make your significant other suspect that you've been hanging out with strippers

and that's not fair

no, it's just not fair

and goddamn it Janice wipe that smile off your face

it's time to judge

the ugly sweater contest

line up on both sides

winners get presents

what made you buy

all these ugly sweaters?

yours is made of cashmere

mine's made of leather

let's see who won

the ugly sweater contest

polyester santa

a reindeer dismembered

this one deserves

an honorable mention

topless missus Claus

worn by bottomless stripper

the downside of wearing

an ugly woolen sweater

scratchy red breasts

irritated nipples

next year instead

a west t-shirt contest

i'll find a way

to make that seem festive

it's all falling apart

this chaos from the heart

the dominos tumble

the mirrors will shatter

and it's all drifting apart

i can't put it back in order

the numbers won't make any sense

all forces of nature

working against me

adrift in space

dragged forward by time

it just keeps getting worse

from the bassinet to the hearse

i try to unshuffle these cards

but they've already been dealt

and it's all drifting apart

i can't put it back in order

the numbers won't make any sense

all forces of nature

working against me

adrift in space

dragged forward by time

i hate waiting in line

when i have to fly

i'm tired and weary

i don't know the time

i'm gunna stumble up to the bar

and drink two pints of rye

look out at the sky

is it dawn or night?

when's the connecting flight?

your carry-on bag got gate checked to Taipan

i don't know where i am

but the whiskey says that i can

pilot this plane

land in rough terrain

the passengers' screams don't bother me

cuz i'm jet-lagged

this is where i was born

see how it has changed

that once was the hospital

where my mother felt her labor pains

everything has been turned into a strip mall

all the farmland has been paved

pretty homes converted to tenements

every monument has been razed

this is the liquor store

where i used to lie about my age

that used to be a grade school

collapsed, corrupted, decayed

everything has been turned into a strip mall

all the farmland has been paved

pretty homes converted to tenements

every monument's been razed

everything has been turned into a strip mall

all the farmland has been paved

pretty homes converted to tenements

every monument's been razed

My portfolio

has pictures of my butthole

taken with a mirror and a phone

this morning while in homeroom

the art teacher was pissed

the point of the assignment i had missed

she told me before class was dismissed

i had to do it over again again

now my portfolio

has pictures of her butthole

(oh that's so artistic)

taken with telescope and phone

while standing on a well-placed utility pole

the art teacher was pissed

i should have focused on her tits

she kept me there once class was dismissed

to make me do it over

again again again

what is that lightbulb for?

what are you reaching toward?

why is there vaseline and a spatula

painful fragments

in your ass

sit down too hard

shattered glass

call a medic

call a nurse

call a doctor

call a hearse

no you shouldn't leave it plugged in

that's electrocution, not a grin

where did you download this copy of the Kama Sutra?

painful fragments

in your ass

sit down too hard

shattered glass

call a medic

call a nurse

call a doctor

call a hearse

More like Karma Sutures, amirite?

bring back cockfighting

it was banned by people who had never met a rooster

because all roosters wanna do

is fuck, fight and eat

so bring back cockfighting

it's the roosters who will appreciate this the most

currently, they're just ground up when they're chicks

but if you bring back cockfighting

well, then, they'll have a chance to fuck, fight and eat

that only seems fair

if my demands are not met

i will replace all your favorite restaurants' coffee with Folger's crystals

and i'll unplug their deep-fryer on the way out

bring back cockfighting

you can make a lotta money betting on those cocks

and if you've ever seen that video where they're being ground up while they're just cute, cute tiny baby chicks

you think, "why is it so bad to let them fight?"

all roosters wanna do is fuck, fight and eat

seriously, all they wanna do is fuck, fight and eat

and if you're bringing back cockfighting

we'll give them a chance to do what they love

bringing back cockfighting will let them do all the things they love

if my demands are not met

i will remove all the tags from every mattress in this house

spend a night at the museum

unnatural history beyond the veil

alternate pasts and fake realities

mindbending journey will leave you pale

here are ghosts of those who never lived

and Cleopatra teaching Braile

dinosaur necromancers

don't go into the caveman room

because at night

they all come alive

seeking out those who stayed inside

they roam the halls

invaders from another dimension

so whatever you do

don't go into the caveman room

another night at the museum

sinister oddities on shelves arranged

the missing saddle of doomed Belleraphon

who the hell opened the caveman room?

run for your lives

cover your ass

everyone

for themselves

run for your lives

cover your ass

why do we have a caveman room?

down here

you'll be safe

and soon

they'll forget who you were

the missing posters fade

i'll turn the lights off

try and get some rest

i know it chafes

but down here you'll be safe

my little pet

my little pet

down here you'll be safe

forever

["that's the first and only take" i ran out of time trying to fix the guitars and only had time to flail wildly at the drums]

just take that chance

and ganbaremasu

sidle up to the bar

and buy her a drink

throwing your pride away

doing the alpha thing

you know what they all say

rome weren't built in a day

but now your life is on the brink

because she gave you the wink

(that's euphemism for Chlamydia)

"wait, someone we know has the clap?"

(you know that groupie we had the other day?)

"Yeah, Stacy, i hooked up with her"

(well i hope you wore a jacket, gotta practice... bein' safe)

off to the clinic now

symptoms unbearable

hope the prescriptions cheap

or you won't get to sleep

your life is on the brink

because she gave you the wink

(maybe topical creams will help)

Oh

the things they have seen

when i left my camera on

in our meeting

they said

"Let's take a bio-break"

so it seemed like a good time

to masturbate

After that

we'll have a Q&A session

(please raise your hand)

but first I'll have to downplay

my watersports obsession

now i have to explain to a lady from HR

all the horrific images

those poor people saw

We're all gunna get real sick of hearing The Necro Quintet before long... if we're not already.

i'm gunna flutter your butt

with my tongue

i'm gunna flutter your butt

all night long

get me buttered til i nut

at the break of dawn

then we'll go out for brunch

wearing only our thongs

tickle your shitter

with the tip of my taste buds

the only thing delicious

are your moans of pleasure

when i flutter your butt

flutter your butt

flutter your butt

with my tongue

drink this supplement so you get enough fiber

a high colonic makes me less hesitant to put my tongue inside her

i'm gunna flutter your butt

with my tongue

i'm gunna flutter your butt

all night long

get me buttered til i nut

at the break of dawn

then we'll go out for brunch

wearing only our thongs

ive got a message for you

and i hope it gets through

all these modern distractions

wont erase what i knew

when the word came from on high

that you're all going to die

the time and the place

has been decided in heaven

God wants you to sell your home

and send all the proceeds to me to me

God wants you to have a garage sale

and send all the money to me to me to

the messenger who's come to warn you

repent of your sins

your soul

and your life

divest yourself of your belongings

your house and your things

your clothes

and your wife

God wants you to sell your home

and send all the proceeds to me to me

God wants you to have a garage sale

and send all the money to me to me

God wants you to have a garage sale

don't haggle too much

just get the best price

God wants you to sell your home

and send all the money to me to me to me

Proving once again that for over 30 years every attempt i make at writing metal turns into punk.

puff out your cheeks

expel all the air

watch that dart land in her derriere

she starts to stumble

into your arms

you'll carry her home

see she don't come to harm

who needs roofies when a blowgun does the trick?

someone might see you slip something into her drink

this special poison

comes from a frog

refined in Peru

but sold by the mob

more than effective

stifles the breath

necrophiliacs love how

it simulates death

who needs roofies when a blowgun does the trick?

someone might see you slip something into her drink

who needs roofies when a blowgun does the trick?

someone might see you slip something into her drink

"hey that guy with the bamboo pole is kinda sus"

the ashes of my dream

crashes into life

where do i put my butts out?

i just use my wife

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

will the starfish

extinguish it?

do you smell

burning shit?

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

insert the butt into the butt

acrid smell of smoking muff

i don't own a single share of lockheed

i never invested in raytheon

yet somehow half my paycheck seems to go there

maybe they should all go fuck themselves

i don't care about your foreign wars

in parts of the map

that i have never explored

awful convenient who it makes rich

maybe they should all go fuck themselves

i never invested in solyndra

a lot of politicians made a ton

not sure if blackmail or corruption

maybe they should all go fuck themselves

i don't care about your climate scam

make an accurate prediction

then i might give a damn

how did you pay for that private jet?

maybe you should all go fuck yours;ves.

draggin' around deez nutz

swingin' around deez nutz

rollin' around deez nutz

slowly lower them onto your face

shoving deez nutz close to muddy holes

the trunk of the tree might be what makes her moan

but if the acorns are ready

they'll supply ample cream

and leave a little mess

a puddle of seed

haulin' around deez nutz

carryin' around deez nutz

shufflin' around deez nutz

slowly lower them onto your face

shoving deez nutz close to muddy holes

the trunk of the tree might be what makes her moan

but if the acorns are ready

they'll supply ample cream

and leave a little mess

a puddle of seed

guitar!

shoving deez nutz close to muddy holes

the trunk of the tree might be what makes her moan

but if the acorns are ready

they'll supply ample cream

and leave a little mess

a puddle of seed

following the charts

the scientists have brought

careful plans will tell

where i oughta drill this well

2 inches wide

the pipe im gunna lay inside

10 inches deep

into the bottom of your heart

get these protesters out of here

it ain't their business what i'll do to your rear

keep the staging area clear

don't let that hamster near

2 inches wide

the pipe im gunna lay inside

10 inches deep

into the bottom of your heart

ashes to asses

dust to butt

bring a raincoat

if you must

the sky is exploding

see what i mean?

soil and refuse

mixed with atomic rain

dust filling all of us

until we just become the stuff

ashes in our asses

the concrete in our crack

dust filling all of us

until we just become the stuff

ashes in our asses

the concrete in our crack

Away, down the road

things, best left untold

the last thing you remember was a night out with your friends

you had a couple drinks while you're driving daddy's Benz

the road is kinda icy and the radio's too loud

too bad for your passenger

there's only one air-bag

stacy sails off into the night

fine

take your thinkgs

just be outta here

by the time i'm home

despite

all these years

my knee-jerk reaction

is to slam the door

don't

give me that look

the one that you save

for when you know you're wrong

your mother's urn is back there on the shelf

so take her with you

before you join her in hell

in hell

Orange Juice and toothpaste

two distinctly different tastes

on their own they might be great

but don't put them together

they're kinda like you and me

two people everyone agrees

on their own they might be great

but don't put them together

you don't like what gets squeezed out of my tube

i don't like all your bitter pulp

orange juice and toothpaste

try not to mix them in your haste

on their own they might be great

but don't put them together

mutual restraining orders

setting boundaries

marking borders

on our own we might be great

but don't put us together

you don't like what gets squeezed out of my tube

(squeeze it!)

I don't like all your bitter pulp

(chunky chunky chunky chunk chunk)

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

gotta lotta momentum

fueled by 8 grams of blow

McDonald's gave us mass

Viktor sold us speed

get the hell out of the path that we weave

as we accelerate

it's too late to stop

accelerate

now let's take off that top

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

never slow down

or the tyres' gunna blow

keep increasing your velocity

now it's time to experiment with PCP as we accelerate

it's too late to stop

accelerate

now let's take off that top

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

gotta lotta momentum

fueled by 6 grams of blow

Doritos gave us mass

we're almost out of speed

get the hell out of the path that we weave

as we accelerate

it's too late to stop

accelerate

now let's take off that top

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

gotta lotta momentum

fueled by 2 grams of blow

Totinos gave us mass

we're almost out of speed

now a strip club is all that we need

as we accelerate

as we accelerate

as we accelerate

there's no way to stop.

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's cream

it's salty

it come from a stick

it's cream and it's salty

and it came out of my dick

new product in the supermarket

every lady here just has to have it

take it home and hide it away from the kids

when your husband's out of town gunna see what it is

because

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes from a stick

it's creamy and it's gooey

and it came out of my dick

it's the kind of snack you enjoy in secret

whisper about to your friends at your next meetup

every day they introduce new flavor profiles

put some in your mouth and spread some on your thighs

because

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes from a stick

it's creamy and it's gooey

and it came out of my dick

i cant seem to break through

this tension that's in you

i'd take you out of your clothes

but the problem's in your soul

underneath the surface

a darkness taken hold

i dont got the words yet

but stop doing what you're told

behind the hard facade

a lying, loving god

has created a mirage

and altered your visage

underneath the surface

a darkness taken hold

i don't got the words yet

but stop doing what you're told

rockin the fanny pack will not bring your ex wife back

but you should keep a knife inside in the event you get attacked

embossed with a brand name

enviable logo

like the box in which came

admirable slogan

90s fashion returns

all you haters can seethe and burn

they say it's far too convenient

they say you look like a nerd

they doubt that it's really leather

all of those haters can cope and burn

90s fashion returns

all you haters can seethe and burn

i need to start practicing again...

did i forget how to music?

feel the little sprinkles

as i start to tinkle

now is the hour of the golden shower

now is the time when you're in my power

watering you like a little flower

yes i ate asparagus

is that why you're so dour?

golden rain

bathing you in shame

you want a towel?

just let it dry

yeah im late

i have no idea how the master sounds i ran out of time

I haven't made any techno in awhile.

It's hot and the air conditioner is running at full tilt so I used amp sims and drum machines and vocaloids and made really weird crap and apologize for absolutely nothing whatsoever. Except the mix. Sorry about that. And the mastering isn't great, so gomen on that. Oh and the performances are nothing to write home about. But other than that, no apologies.

warning lights flashing

you must hit eject

alarms are blaring

you must hit eject

sirens are screaming

you must hit eject

the rotor's still spinning

when you hit eject

the design of the helicopter

doesn't lend a lot of confidence

designed by some guy in his basement

last minute addition

a seat that ejects

a fine red mist

when you hit eject

it makes a mess

when you hit eject

just like a blender

when you hit eject

the rotor's still spinning

even though you hit eject

the design of the helicopter

doesn't lend a lot of confidence

designed by some guy in his basement

last minute addition

a seat that ejects

Ejectulation!

cosmic uber

night out

partied too hard

we got a bit too loud

take a right at saturn

left at the mailbox

cosmic taxicab

driven by things

made in a lab

Everything in its proper place

one mistake

leads to disgrace

i demand

Evian in the green room

I demand

no eye contact

there should be

no wire hangers

i asked for McDonald's

not Wendy's.

i demand

Evian in the green room

I demand

no eye contact

Little doll of porcelain

I think I'll name you Madeleine

you want to know my darkest sin?

I think I know where it fits in

you are modest

you are meek

a loving home is all you seek

we've been at this for a week

I think I know where it fits in

Oh the things you'll learn

When I fill you up with sperm

Oh the things you'll learn

when I fill you with my sperm

Tiny Madeleine

encrusted from within

Tiny Madeleine

corrupted porcelain

digging from beneath the earth

the mole men are coming

what is your life really worth

now that the mole men are coming

hide your money hide your wife

the mole men's urges are undefined

we know they're greedy and all alone

no mole women in their homes

they're here to steal human wives

to make their babies and extent their lives

so what're you gunna do

now that the mole men have come

and what will be left of you

when the mole men are done

hide your money and your wives

the mole men's urges are undefined

we know they're greedy and alone

no mole women in their homes

they've come to steal human wives

moleman 1: but not her, she's fat

moleman 2: w-we're not trying to be rude, it... it's just that she wouldn't fit back down the hole

i don't even wanna talk about it...

The title is a reference to a Mother's of Invention song about an actual leisure suit tailor in late 60s Los Angeles.

vocaloid, SP404mkII, Donner B1 and a synth bed.

don't flip your wig

what's underneath?

shining and pal

wear a hat

pin them together

watch them float

into the void

you want to look

you want to touch

is three minutes all too much?

is this serving just a suggestion

these ingredients are unmentioned

ask the noodle man

is that the noodle plan?

doing what noodles can?

ask the noodle man

tear into the flavour packet

hot oil too if you can hack it

using chopsticks

and a spoon

eating alone

in your room

just ask the noodle man

was that the noodle plan?

doing what noodles can?

ask the noodle man

formerly Chuck's.

dj bill da bear

climbs outta the electric chair

hope they ain’t mess up his hair

warden sayin it’s unfair

the pardon was inevitable

this whole thing was preventable

they all glower at the bill da bears power

and now here i go furry menace is on the lose again

after a free bus ride straight home from the pen

a tisket a tasket gimme your pick a nick basket

the bill da bear gets what the bill da bear wants

(nothing about this character makes a lick of sense)

route 666

you're turnin' tricks

you're suckin' dicks

because you need a ride to the next town

where you'll get down

you'll party with the band

you got your backstage pass

under your bra

thing you've never seen before

you can't guess what we got in store

sorry to tell you that you opened the wrong door

route 666

you're turnin' tricks

you're suckin' dicks

because you needed a ride to the next town

where you got down bad

you partied with that band

but then someone slipped you the wrong pills

now there's foam on your lips

and blood where you slipped

they'll find your body on route 6 6 6

I recorded everything through the ukalele pickup including the vocals. It was a terrible idea.

Sorry.

maybe she's a little rough round the edges

she's developed a little paunch

maybe she's got greying hair now

maybe more of it's coming out

eye of the beholder

yeah she's getting older

she's still the one that i love

she used to have all of her teeth

she used to have both of her eyes

she used to a lot more than sleep

she's still as pretty as when she was alive

eye of the beholder

yeah she's getting older

she's still the one that i love

eye of the beholder

yeah she's getting older

she's still the one that i chose

walk up to the mirror with a piece of paper

a little sharpie

and some scissors of safety

trace yourself and cut it out

paint it black and hang it up

now you've got yourself a silhouette

maybe you should turn

a little to the left

capture your schnozz

and your chin's manly cleft

maybe you should wear a distinctive hat

a fancy hairdo

or the ears of a cat

trace yourself and cut it out

paint it black and hang it up

now you've got yourself a silhouette

whistling through the graveyard

annointed by the shadow of an angel's marble frown

knowing it's your fate to rest here

for all the tomorrows after the end of your days

walking these empty paths

looking at names that aren't yet yours

dying flowers blown across the grass

but it isn't yet your time

and that shovel in your hand

is meant for something else

something fresh

someone you can save

with all your darkest arts

and if all else fails

there's always the grapefruit spoon

there's always

the grapefruit spoon

there's always

the grapefruit spoon

Experimenting with sound design. Apologies in advance.

You had it all figured out according to plan

but you're starting to think that you're the wrong man

a short circuit

your wires are crossed you can't understand

they're saying you're someone but you're not a fan

a short circuit

input coming in wrong

output not where it belongs

in a land of thieves the eye deceives

and no one agrees on what you believe

a short circuit

it becomes a bit unreal is what you see

really what you feel?

a short circuit

input coming in wrong

output not where it belongs

[mega guitar wankery]

Yes, I am aware of how shitty my snare sounds these days.

dont you go into that light

you just have to stay and fight

it's too early for goodnight

dont drift off to the afterlife

send a message to be read

are you barely alive or mostly dead

this is what our missive said

dont drift off to the afterlife

floating through your days

you think you're awake

the accident was long ago

all through limbo now aglow

spirit's trapped and starts to flow

don't drift off to the afterlife

sleeper now you must awaken

sound and body now reclaiming

back to life away from heaven

don't drift off to the afterlife

float through your days

you think you're awake

=VLOOKUP(A2, V3:X3, 3, TRUE)

control a control x

edit select all edit cut

=IF(yourHeart=TRUE, GOOD, BAD)

control a control x

let the macro do the rest

put a towel under the girl

avoid the stain of shame on your sheets

as the AC battles the heat

bodies, friction, shit and sweat

every opening's getting wet

semen smegma saliva piss

get a tarp to catch the mess

put some ice over her tits

spray cool water in her pits

summer sun climbs over head

and the flies threaten the dead

bodies, friction, shit and sweat

every opening's getting wet

semen smegma saliva piss

grab a tarp to catch the mess

I decided to have fun instead of making good music.

you have to concentrate

you wantto masturbate

your wife will be home soon

your kids are in their rooms

daddy needs to be alone

daddy has to focus on his own

you listen for her car

can you finish in time?

monomaniacal

one thing at a time

daddy needs to be alone

daddy has to focus on his own

riding down the diarrhea slip 'n slide

there's a piece of corn so open up wide

parasites around you nowhere to hide

as you're sailing the seas of shit

ride slide cry

ride eat shit and die

open your mouth and dine

what's at the bottom waiting for you

as you slide, slide, slide

riding down the diarrhea slip 'n slide

assaults your nose and tongue along with your pride

flow with the feces let the tide be your guide

as you're sailing the seas of shit

ride slide cry

ride eat shit and die

open your mouth and dine

what's at the bottom waiting for you

as you slide, slide, slide

climbing up the stairs

to father's secret lair

old clothes

forgotten toys

and the skulls of girls and boys

Daddy's Attic

where he punishes sin

Daddy's Attic

hope you don't get let in

Daddy's Attic

where he keeps all his tools

Daddy's Attic

he might use them on you

in this chamber of despair

stains of blood

strands of hair

the neighbors won't say a word

all the screaming goes unheard

Daddy's Attic

where he punishes sin

Daddy's Attic

hope you don't get let in

Daddy's Attic

where he keeps all his tools

Daddy's Attic

he might use them on you

look into tomorrow see the future what will happen

echoes coming backwards from the time when all is ashes

try to warn the others both the rabbi and the chaplain

what you cannot stop

the consequences of your actions

what you set in motion

doors you shouldn't open

prophecy of pain

visions of black rain

seer be ashamed of what you've done

the ritual to end the beasts mistakes were made it was mispoken

should've closed the portals but the Elder Gods were summoned

a thousand years of darkness boiling blood will fill the oceans

witness as the fabric of reality's unwoven

it has been awoken

everything is broken

what you set in motion

doors you shouldn't open

prophecy of pain

visions of black rain

seer be ashamed of what you've done

what you set in motion

doors you shouldn't open

it has been awoken

everything, everything is broken

breathe the open air

escaping despair

burst through the doors hindering your wisdom

remove the blindfold obscuring your vision

think what you want

despite those who cannot

burst through the doors hindering your wisdom

remove the blindfold obscuring your vision

time is aligned

if only in your mind

the breaker has been tripped

collective bridge

behind what you want

tomorrow distraught

today unconnected untethered unrestricted

yourself you cannot find

unresponsive unsurprised

forward march the hands of clocks

unyielding to your demands

just another dream about the forgotten lands

just another nightmare about unrealized plans

time is in your mind

if only it were aligned

coincidence might not exist

collective bridge

Performed live on Novation Circuits, Korg Volca Kick and TD-3 (insofar as all the knob twisting, ribbon sliding and scene/scale/filter switching was done live), 2nd take.

Circuit Tracks with Volca FM, Kick and Beats while OP1 looked on helplessly as I floundered with pads and abused the master filter knob with wanton abandon because it was the only gd thing i understood...

Title is a reference to the film "Gremlins", Gizmo was a cute creature known as a Mogwai. This track is meant as an homage to the Scottish band "Mogwai".

I wrote this on the OP1 using only samples of my voice (and obviously every effect in the book i could throw at it.

scales - bow_and_arrow - ear

OP-1 Training Arc - Week 2: The longest 2 minutes and 13 seconds of your life.

I'm experimenting with a new device so I stayed in the box until it came to mixing and mastering. You have been warned.

outside wind is howling

storm is shrieking

thunder growling

patterend frost spells a warning

i'm inside safe from harm

in my turtleneck sweater

i can stay dry and warm

in my turtleneck sweater

add another log to the fireplace

pile some blankets in the drafty place

we're the last hope

for the human race

if spring ever returns

try to repopulate

the canned food won't last til then

cannibalism just a matter of when

who drew the shortest straw

they won't live to see the thaw

at least i'll get their turtleneck sweater

All alone

after the party

wrapped up in

a suit of meat

there's a reason

no one orders bacon wrapped zucchini anymore

there's a reason

no one ever orders it

(y'know it's the lowest rated recipe on that one website)

substitutions couldn't fix it

it's an affront to man and God

it's an affront before our eyes

it shouldn't have happened

you can wrap shrimp with bacon

(that sounds lovely)

you can wrap an egg with bacon

(ooh delightful)

you can wrap scallops or filet mignon with bacon

(ahhhh delish)

you can wrap you wiener with bacon

get your mind out of the gutter

and your eyes out of my pants

you can't wrap zucchini

Fusillade has come undone

over now 'ere we've begun

people pray it's not the hour

caustic lamp lit with power

it has come undone

look what you've become

braver now until the morrow

caustic lamp burning with power

it will soon be redone

searching for the one

angry hand of the Father

caustic lamp shines with sorrow

fusillade has been undone

over now 'ere we've begun

people pray it's not the hour

caustic lamp lit with power

it has come undone

Note: All my mics are set up for livestreaming in another room... so i took a cheap $34 dollar condenser mic and recorded acoustic guitar and whatever weird shit I had laying around.

Reaching inside

extending my fingers

scream of delight

before the splinters

i reach out

inside of you

reach out within

reach in without

brace yourself

I'm going in dry

raise the stakes

before the dawn

undead relate

the harvest song

craving

embrace the tomb

embracing

crave the bloom

petals rot

a darkened sky

tooth and vein

grim delight

craving

embrace the tomb

embracing

crave the bloom

i awake in the morning

and i need something

to rinse the cobwebs away

i need my coffee

give me my coffee

ive given you everything you could need

there is nothing to want for

food and a place to defecate

there's one final step we must take

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

no one can hear your screaming

why do you shy away when i draw near

i'll remove the chains if you start behaving

and if you're a good girl i'll take you outside

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

when you're old

put in a home

you've been forgotten

now you're alone

melt into your chair

why should you care

they change your diaper

and give you drugs

you can sit back and watch The Price is Right

as you slowly turn into a fossil

waiting for your chance to walk into the light

as you slowly turn into a fossil

poop in a bag

pee in your pants

they change you daily

with your sponge bath

you once had dreams

but now they're over

the Shinigami

is drawing closer

you can sit back and watch them Dance with the Stars

as you slowly turn into a fossil

waiting for your chance to walk into the light

as you slowly turn into a fossil

you can sit back and watch Family Feud (where's Richard Dawson? Who is this 'Steve Harvey'?!)

as you slowly turn into a fossil

waiting for your chance to walk into the light

as you slowly turn into a fossil

Mystery

Ontology

Purview of the wise

all of the questions

none of the answers

are supplied

can you use a ferret as a fleshlight?

Can a toothless toddler give good head?

if your cancer stricken 2nd cousin dies

is it really incest if she's dead?

if you masturbate watching a sunrise

does that mean you're mindfucking a star?

if you get a boner while you're driving

does that mean you want to fuck your car?

Epistimology

Dichotomy

twixt soul and mind

so many queries

afflict mankind

can you use a ferret as a fleshlight?

Can a toothless toddler give good head?

if your cancer stricken 2nd cousin dies

is it really incest if she's dead?

if you masturbate watching a sunrise

does that mean you're mindfucking a star?

if you get a boner while you're driving

does that mean you want to fuck your car?

check out my oiled katana

there's something dripping off

wouldn't want to get any on ya

it's longer than that wakazashi

just gunna slide it in... sukoshi

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

sitting atop the rice balls

sharpened sword looking for a sheath

when this massive blade falls

separate the chaff from wheat

i see you admire it

now turn around and face the wall

don't bother crying 'yamate!'

no one can hear you call

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

Cursed with the gift of prophecy

images of what will come to be

not sure if i'm going out of my mind

the present is cloudy the future is night

peering into the future

peering into the future

calamities up ahead

tides of blood

stacking the dead

can't tell now from then

are you here

or a memory of when?

peering into the future

peering into the future

am i in the future

trapped outside the now

can you read the writing

the when the where the how

am i in the future

trapped outside the now

can you read the writing

the when the where the how

peering into the future...

the onset of panic

nascent fear

welling within

meltdown

before the tears begin

vision turning red

meltdown

things are going great

on our first date

when i get you home

prepare for an explosion

i'm not out of line

and you're lookin' fine

when i get you home

prepare for an explosion

take off your clothes and lay on the bed

meaty shaft pointed straight at your head

sticky white goo an eruption that spews

exiting me

spilling onto you

i hope you don't don't

volume of some reknown

hope you have eye protection

swallow my explosion

let me get a towel

and a garden hose

hope you brought shampoo

bathe in my explosion

take off your clothes and lay on the bed

meaty shaft pointed straight at your head

sticky white goo an eruption that spews

exiting me

spilling onto you

protein spilling out of me

protein dripping onto you

...

take off your clothes and lay on the bed

meaty shaft pointed straight at your head

sticky white goo an eruption that spews

exiting me

spilling onto you

see them

in the alleys

predators

in search of meat

broken streetlight

empty dreams

shabby tuxes

swollen bellies

bloody fangs, claws and eyes

fat and happy...happy hunting

caressed by soft fur

as you die

territory

that they roam

hungry kitties

hunt alone

feeding every night

sleeping every day

overweight tuxedo cats

standing in your way

shabby tuxes

swollen bellies

bloody fangs, claws and eyes

fat and happy... happy hunting (repeat)

i'm getting bored

workin' this farm

need a distraction

an invention or such

animal husbandry

abusing technology

space age aphrodisiacs

in the feed

Stallion on cow! They'll make creepy babies

Stallion on cow! This milk tastes like glue

Stallion on cow! an unusual coupling

they don't seem to know what to do

The first time the horse

aimed for the anus

the second time

he aimed for the mouth

i got them turned 'round

lubed and excited

now let's turn the web cam on

Stallion on cow! They'll make creepy babies

Stallion on cow! This milk tastes like glue

Stallion on cow! an unusual coupling

now they seem to know what to do

i wouldn't call it romance

i wouldn't call it natural

i wouldn't call it moral

but it's not technically illegal (but it should be!)

Stallion on cow! They'll make creepy babies

Stallion on cow! This milk tastes like glue

Stallion on cow! an unusual coupling

now they're performing for you

Wait!

let him go first

he's a busy man

don't get in the way

our needs

are greater than yours

there's enough to go around

but go back to the end of the line

lowest man on the totem pole

get thee behind me

a worthless pawn in the abyss of the world

get thee behind me

Stop!

let me cut in with my friends

out lives have meaning

and you're a lonely little toad

don't make a fuss

stay meek and quiet

you don't wanna make a scene

because they all might stare and laugh at you

lowest man on the totem pole

get thee behind me

a worthless pawn in the abyss of the world

get thee behind me

watch the watcher

on the tower of lies

inside outside

neither applies

the death's head that's been stalking you

reflected in the snow capped mirror

the outline of her face

reminds you of the last place

that you saw her

the seers have been seeing you

they carve your fate with their blunted knives

the guardians no longer guarding you

purchasing power empty lives

the death's head that's been stalking you

reflected in the snow capped mirror

the outline of her face

reminds you of the last place

that you saw her

I'll see you again in the depths of nightmare

I'll see you again in the depth of nightmare

i'll see you again in the death of your nightmare

i'll see you again in the depth of your nightmare

MMA, UFC

what fighting style reigns surpreme

capoeira jeet kun do

or is it one that you don't know

Penis Fu is the deadliest martial art

slap 'em upside the head

or light 'em ablaze with your farts

strikers and grapplers

shaking with fearing

the unzipping of your pants

it's the last thing they hear

a blow to the head

or violate them instead

either way

your opponent winds up dead

Penis Fu is the deadliest martial art

slap 'em upside the head

or light 'em ablaze with your farts