theres an old man that lives on my street

by all appearances frail and sweet

he tends to his lawn like a tender newborn

and whistles a tune as he works

i see him from my office window

as he bids all the neighbours hello

but if they’d care to linger he’d give them the finger

as soon as their backs have been turned

That smile on your face 

hides a severe distaste

for a banale pleasantry

behind the mask you have mastered

hides a grumpy old bastard

but your secret is safe with me

I hear a cheery young mother of three

inviting him over for tea

but after she turns round he spits on the ground

and flips her the bird as she leaves 

it may come as some surprise

that i completely empathise

see our neighbours are tedious and i’d rather they’d leave us

I’m sure thinks the same thing of me

That smile on your face 

hides a severe distaste

for a banale pleasantry

behind the mask you have mastered

hides a grumpy old bastard

but your secret is safe with me

You leave your mark in

a subtle way

a tell tale sign

for those who know

I couldn’t describe

quite what it is

a certain flavour

a lost echo

your signature

now an autograph

the repetition

automatic

perhaps its time

for the other hand

seek discomfort

let it go

Do you want to pick your prize?

Or do you want to take a chance on the mystery box?

I can see from the look in your eyes

that your feeling lucky and you fancy your chance with the mystery box

wheres the fun in knowing what you’ll be owning

I feel much more at home with the thrill of the unknown

you could take home a life changing sum

Or do you want to take a chance on the mystery box?

all your problems could now be undone

but your feeling lucky and you fancy your chance with the mystery box

out wandering the forest tracks

I came upon a tree

my head was in the clouds that day

way up above the canopy

I felt a crack beneath my boot

under soles thin and worn

there it lay broken in two

a perfect acorn

The perfect symbol of wasted potential

crushed before you can even begin

The perfect symbol of wasted potential

they’ll never know just what you could’ve been

I gathered up the pieces

now imbued with melancholy

such simple beauty broken

left me feeling sorry

a story that will never be told

now held within my hand

a giant of the future

that will not grace this land

The perfect symbol of wasted potential

crushed before you can even begin

The perfect symbol of wasted potential

they’ll never know just what you could’ve been

it seems kinda silly

to leave behind your legacy

in a nut that could be had

by a squirrel for its tea

it seems kinda risky

to put all your chips on black

in a tasty morsel

perfect for a squirrel snack

The perfect symbol of wasted potential

crushed before you can even begin

The perfect symbol of wasted potential

they’ll never know just what you could’ve been

We go together like OJ and toothpaste

yeah it leaves a weird aftertaste

but at least you feel alive

nothing about us really makes any sense to me

but there’s a certain intensity

that I can’t describe

I know that this isn’t flattery

but its like licking the top of a battery

I’m not sure i enjoy the pain

but i kinda want to do it again

yeah I kinda want to do it again

This isn’t the answer no, that much is obvious

I’m not oblivious

yet there’s something to gain

we are totally opposite to our perfect matches

but there’s an itch it scratches

like a moth to the flame

I know that this isn’t flattery

but its like licking the top of a battery

I’m not sure i enjoy the pain

but i kinda want to do it again

yeah I kinda want to do it again

yeah I kinda want to do it again and again and again 

You’re only hurting yourself

To think you’ll win is predictably insane

You can’t stare her down

Like a snake shes got a nictitating membrane

It’s a losing battle

put your hands up and leave

it’s a losing battle

try to keep a little dignity

you’d better save your strength

don’t try to engage you’ll be safer in my mind

she won’t let up

She doesn’t blink when her prey is in her eyeline

It’s a losing battle

put your hands up and leave

it’s a losing battle

try to keep a little dignity

you’ve gotta look away to preserve your health

just run for the hills, save yourself

It’s a losing battle

put your hands up and leave

it’s a losing battle

try to keep a little dignity

I knew this would happen

I’ve lived it before

a cyclical pattern

that i can’t control

Fold touches fold

shatters the mold

inevitable that i’ll follow my role

I’ve tried to resist it 

and switch up my course

but time is consistant

unstoppable force

fixed to our rails

the story prevails

a stream of events flowing from the first source

It’s only a field

just a field

don’t be afraid

it’s only a field

in the dark

just a field

a field in the dark

its only a field

all alone

alone in a field

in the dark all alone

its only a field

theres a figure

in the dark

a rustle of straw

its only a field

just walk don’t run

its all in your head

almost home

safe in your bed

Its only a field 

just a field

and its protector

its only a field

a creeping feeling

up my spine

prickling hairs

its only a field

birds taking flight

shadow the moon

a rustle of straw

its only a field

two glowing dots

float in the air

coming towards me

its only a field

Is it a badger is it a deer

is it a bat that i can hear

no its just a scarecrow

aaaaaaaargh

   

I’ve been stuck inside for all these years

like the puppeteer i turn the gears

Do you know who I am, Do you know who I could be?

If I wasn’t trapped in this mortal body 

I do what i can within these confines

but you can see the strain if you look for the signs

How i long to break free, and soar into the sky

into infinity expanding far from this life

All potential

Realised

I’m gonna be the first dog in space

Chasing what’s thrown into the great unknown

I’m gonna be the first dog in space

To boldly bark into the great big dark

I’m gonna miss the scratches behind the ear

I’ll have to be my own best friend

The earth looks like a giant squeaky ball from up here

but i’m one that’s getting chewed up in the end

So lonely

So hungry

In space no-one can hear you howl

I’m gonna be the first dog in space

Chasing what’s thrown into the great unknown

I’m gonna be the first dog in space

To boldly bark into the great big dark 

I think i’m falling apart now

my bones are aching and my beard is turning grey

I think I’m falling apart now

I’m always tired and my memorys fading away

Maybe I’m dying

Maybe I’m dying

I’m sure the end is closer now

My skin don’t fit and my knees are always in pain

I’m sure the end is closer now

My eyes feel sore and my feet will never be the same

Maybe I’m dying

Maybe I’m dying

 I’m pretty sure no-one has felt like this before

Must be some awful rare degenerative disease

will you remember me when i’m gone?

maybe even start a foundation?

Maybe I’m dying

Maybe I’m dying

I’m too small

to really see

what goes in to 

this harmony

I’m too close

to really know

but it feels like

a golden ratio

 

We’re just pawns or at best fools

playing games to unknown rules

I’m not sure

how it found

quite just who

should be bound

Well i don’t care

how it knew

cos it delivered

me to you

We’re just pawns or at best fools

playing games to unknown rules

plot turns from string to rope and

too many paths lay open

nobody there to warn her

shes backed into a corner

solutions are asymptotes I

hope someones making notes

the vines are now too deep rooted

why’s it so convoluted 

turn your head to the sky 

thoughts beyond the how and why

thers only one way this now ends

and its not going to make sense

 the great author’s lost the plot all

all cohesion gone to pot to

to fix an ending thats lacking - a 

a deus ex machina

turn your head to the sky 

thoughts beyond the how and why

thers only one way this now ends

and its not going to make sense

I’ve got this great idea for a brand new construction

a world wide wonder of my own deduction

the fact that this idea is novel, yes it seems surprising

but we’re throwing fresh shapes onto the dusty horizon

It’s not going to be easy, I’m going to need your assistance

and that of many others who may show some resistance

but if we try force, persevere, prepare, oh

the rewards we’ll reap, they might make me a pharoah

Let’s build a pyramid

it’ll be the

Best thing you ever did

no exceptions

ignore the cynical

this will be our

monumental pinnacle

so lets go

so if i bring a block and the two of you bring blocks too

and you both get two friends to bring us two more blocks too

you can see where this is going i think it has potential

before too long we’ll be going exponential

Let’s build a pyramid

it’ll be the

Best thing you ever did

no exceptions

ignore the cynical

this will be our

monumental pinnacle

so lets go

Colours drain - skies had a fright

contrast rises like a tide

all reframed - in black and white

darkness settles like the snow  

fade to grey - as i withdraw

might as well be still asleep

slip away - if i ignore

perhaps it will all go away

I paint my days in monochrome

just to help the time go past

a self portrait in monochrome

pencil lines that will not last

You can’t just say what you really feel

who does that? who even does that?

You can’t just say what you really feel

who does that? who even does that?

George he seemed like all of the others

another guy just trying to get on by

guess you could say he was quiet

but he’d try you know he’d really try

Well Michael he was something else

he believed that he was born to lead

talked his way up the corporate ladder

far beyond where he deserved to be

on a friday afternoon

winding up for the weekend

Michael says to george

listen buddy i’m gonna need to stay in late tonight

take one for the team, go on do this one for me?

And George said

Fuck you Michael

No-one respects you

I don’t want to stay

I’m going home

You can’t just say what you really feel

who does that? who even does that?

You can’t just say what you really feel

who does that? who even does that?

Michaels face turned scarlet red

lost for words he was lost for words

george acted like it was nothing

but he’d been heard, oh he’d been heard

he’d shattered the social construct

that we don’t say what we want to say

he closed down his laptop computer

and off he went on his way

 You can’t just say what you really feel

who does that? who even does that?

You can’t just say what you really feel

who does that? who even does that? 

I’m struggling to trace a straight line to that place

from here where i stand with my ankles in the sand

all i’m getting is resistance and an ever stretching distance

to where i thought i’d be in that fading fantasy

I’m pinning all my hopes on some magical beans

cos i’ve let go of the ropes and i’m running out of steam

so give me one last throw of that unlucky die

and make something grow to take me into the sky

I’m Fe-Fi-Fo Fumbling in the dark reaching for my own beanstalk

am i really so naive that i can still believe

that there’s something in those stories, those old allegories

that in your time of need, all it takes is a seed

Your phrase is: An adorable girl drove merrily.

Itll happen to you some day

youll wake up all white and grey

how did it come so fast?

find yourself longing for the past

Old man yelling at the clouds

they were much whiter back in his day

Old man yelling at the clouds

getting a taste of things not going his way

theyre using confusing words

phrases ive never heard

the things that we used to say

theyre suddenly not ok?

Old man yelling at the clouds

they were much whiter back in his day

Old man yelling at the clouds

getting a taste of things not going his way  

Just an old guy left behind

trying to hold on with his briittle bones

just an old guy out of his time

scared that hes gonna be left alone

Old man yelling at the clouds

they were much whiter back in his day

Old man yelling at the clouds

getting a taste of things not going his way

I just want to sit in a small cafe

where the strangers smile and then turn away

I just want a seat looking over the street

and to watch everyone go about their day

where the roast is light and the coffees black

when your in no rush no need to get back

let the music in your headphones play

accompanied by the sounds of a small cafe 

  

I just want to sit in a small cafe

where they dont know your name but thats quite ok

i wanna sketch people there when theyre unaware

not exchange a word and be on my way

 

where the roast is light and the coffees black

when your in no rush no need to get back

let the music in your headphones play

accompanied by the sounds of a small cafe 

This is an adaptation of a poem by Marcus Valerius Martialis (Martial)

Book X:32 Marcus Antonius Primus

This portrait I deck with violets and roses,

do you ask whose face it is, Caedicianus?

Its Marcus Antonius Primus in his prime:

in this the old man sees his younger self.

If art could show his mind and character!

No picture in the world would show lovelier.

In my mind 

I saw a bulb

burst alight

exploding into

colours so bright

lighting up the

darkest night

total power

lifitng us 

atop the tower

this is now our

finest hour

if we buy the

tulip flower

 Buy and hold!

 Take my diamond hands

 Buy and hold!

 Ride this rocket to the moon!

here we go

now that we are

in the know

this can only 

grow and grow

finally we

reap what we sow

 Buy and hold!

 Take my diamond hands

 Buy and hold!

 Ride this rocket to the moon!

bit by bit

well lose our shit

your essense

it lessens

we disintegrate

piece by piece

the slow release

your backup

will crack up

we disintegrate 

Everythings changed

cant go back to the old

A new state of mind has taken hold

 

tasted the freedom

thrill of the unknown

wherever we stop tonight is our new home

 

Weve got all we need here

a roof over our heads

whenever we need it a cosy bed

 

a rolling view

from a rolling home

a glint in your eye and a right to roam

 

 

Waking up by the sparkling waters

pull open the door and breathe in deep

all this is ours for just one moment

but take my hand thats yours to keep

 

 

watching the moon rise

and the lines marching in

shoulder to shoulder in our own cabin

 

everything feels right

it all now makes sense

my internal voice switches to future tense

 

 

Waking up by the sparkling waters

pull open the door and breathe in deep

all this is ours for just one moment

but take my hand thats yours to keep

The first time I saw you

you turned my head

a full one hundred and eighty degrees

triggered my reflexes

left me wide eyed

right then and there i knew

Id die by your side

 

Id give my life

for one night with you

So Ill put my hands together

and pray it comes true

when i last moved house

my friends they came round

brought me a present

an ornamental gnome

to make me feel at home

 

at first i wasnt sure

about this fella by the door

but i grew to love him

left me feeling less alone

it was me and now the gnome

 

but one day when i opened up the door

my bearded friend wasnt sitting there no more

 

my gnome away from home

i wish you well wherever you roam

my gnome away from home

youll never be alone

 

Then i got a postcard

stamp from alaska

and on the front of it

there was my friend the gnome

eating a snow cone

 

then came another

stamp from down under

then one from vegas

paris and the azures

my gnome had gone on tour

 

my gnome away from home

i wish you well wherever you roam

my gnome away from home

youll never be alone

whats a queen like you doing with a drone like me

what made you choose me over the other bees

im not complaining though it brings me out in hives

trying to work out how to make our love survive

 

Ill trace a vector

straight to your sweet nectar

Ill make a bee line

to make sure youll be mine

my honey bee

 

I may be busy, but it still gives me a buzz

when i think of your thorax all covered in fuzz

i find it distracting these thoughts of romance

just want to get home to your sweet waggle dance

 

so Ill trace a vector

straight to your sweet nectar

Ill make a bee line

to make sure youll be mine

my honey bee

Spent most of the time making new patches on the Microfreak, can you tell?

As I get on my favourite whites

pull on my pads, not too tight

adjust my cup, you gotta play it safe

I oil my bat, bring out the shine

the finest oak, no cheap old pine

and i step out on to the crease

 

I notice something wrong

theres a plate and not a wicket

i see my teammates baseball caps

its just not cricket

 

I couldve sworn this was the place

i feel the blood rush to my face

I guess I should still step up to the plate

I take a swing as he pitches

hit a home run, take that bitches

maybe this isn;t such a bad idea

 

But still it feels wrong

I miss the sound of ball on wicket

i can see the similarities

but its just not cricket

Ever seen a Sooty Albatross Chick?https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/oImho6TMRtLIqBY8bpoh24SOLbh9vXFf38zMNgtRfJjN-hJjtqX4NPAeFz5etvBJR5P2v6Kc0EGehNGSEQfKEP7cEO7XRHCKWDG3T73Ej_mWgndCy_Z2LolSmRynYHt56bVz9lxGlzRz

The board say their thanks
At armitage shanks
To the morons they see
All stockpiling TP

They watch their stocks rocket
Lining their pockets
As we all rush to own
Our own porcelain throne

They can finally forget
Their quarterly targets
For today is the day of the Bidet

For the last 2 hours
Been a slave to the keys
No time to take a break for me

Drank plenty of water
Its great to hydrate
But all of that liquid has now left me in quite a state

So please Mr. Vaia
For my bladders sake
Wont you afford us
A quick toilet break?

NO.

The last 2 hours
That youve been through
Were for writing and recording, that much is true

But since then youve had
15 minutes more
To mix and upload and to Unload so you dont pee on the floor

So please Mr. Vaia
For my bladders sake
Wont you afford us
A quick toilet break?

NO.

small hand problems

now bring your ear close and i'll tell you a tale
of the finest set of sailors that ever set sail
unimaginable wealth was the name of their game
striking fear in the hearts of all who heard their name

they call them the iron pyrates!
you'll have heard them in tales of old
they call them the iron pyrates
cos they are the fools that are here to take all your gold

some say they are a group of rogue geologists
that put down their microscopes and picked up their fists
all i know is prepare to be socked
if you mistake a mineral for a rock

(no, not like that necro)

Gotta grow out my tail
and sharpen my teeth
gotta prepare
for what’s underneath

been living this life
this life as a vole
it’s time to see
what’s beyond my hole

my skinny legs
weren’t built for pace
but over longer distance
i can take on this race

can’t keep on living this life
this life as a vole
gotta go out and see
what is beyond my hole

for the non brits: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parma_Violets

an ode to everyones favourite tv presenter (in the uk)

Riding in the washbasket I see my chance
Freedom is but a hop away
I shuffle to the rear wait for a drop thats less severe
Over the edge i close my eyes and pray

I tumble down the stairs
my former captor unawares
that i'm no longer one of a pair
I'm a free sock without a care

I bid farewell to my former friends
to my counterpart this is how it ends
i shuffle towards the door, the moment ive been waiting for
oh no! the household hound attends

The beast he takes me in his jaws
what fate is this oh what just cause
dragged back to the canine's bed
oh god i hope that hes been fed

This is my life now with the furry old boy
chosen as his new favourite toy
takes me on all his tours, around the house and great outdoors
I never thought i'd bring such joy

Its play time all day everyday
I'm loved in almost every way
my life is so much more complete
now theres no more smelly feet

Thanks for all the lessons Necro!

Creepy shiz

The age old cold water surfer's quandary

Butterflies on parade

Well you think you're tough, hardest in your school?
You think your class is rough, well I think you're a fool.
Are you ready for your lesson, Its time for you to learn
cos ain't nobody messin' with Jimmy the Burn.

Grip like Jaws
Jimmy the Burn
Twist with force
A lesson learned

You'd better say a prayer, if he has got you held
Cos Jimmy don't care if Jimmy gets expelled
Cos noone burns like Jimmy. everyone else is soft
I heard he Chinese burned a kid so hard he ripped his skin right off.

Grip like Jaws
Jimmy the Burn
A twist with force
A lesson learned.

As the title says, based on real nightmare

Based on a true story, Kinda

Song based on advice passed on by my flatmate's grandad:

Lyrics:

When you're feeling unwell
Whole body under attack
when your throat feels like hell
head stuck by thundercrack

I got some good news for you,
A way to get up off your back

It's called the three hat method
never been known to fail
used for generations
by the weak and the frail

The instructions are simple like
using this hammer on this old nail

You'll need your favourite hat
could be a flatcap or trilby
you'll need a bottle of rum
the darker the better for me

now put your hat on the end of your bed
and drink that rum until your those hats count three

Oh yeah...

Twee Pop Song almost entirely on a Casio SA-1 no MIDI!

Tried to go a bit experimental, an instrumental where vocals are the backing and guitar is the lead. I'm not sure it worked.

Featuring Eastern European Lap Harp and interruptions from Neko the cat...