Rolling home

posted in 2HTS360 on Feb 21, 2021
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Everythings changed

can’t go back to the old

A new state of mind has taken hold

 

tasted the freedom

thrill of the unknown

wherever we stop tonight is our new home

 

We’ve got all we need here

a roof over our heads

whenever we need it a cosy bed

 

a rolling view

from a rolling home

a glint in your eye and a right to roam

 

 

Waking up by the sparkling waters

pull open the door and breathe in deep

all this is ours for just one moment

but take my hand that’s yours to keep

 

 

watching the moon rise

and the lines marching in

shoulder to shoulder in our own cabin

 

everything feels right

it all now makes sense

my internal voice switches to future tense

 

 

Waking up by the sparkling waters

pull open the door and breathe in deep

all this is ours for just one moment

but take my hand that’s yours to keep

Hopeless ro-mantis

posted in 2HTS359 on Feb 14, 2021
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The first time I saw you

you turned my head

a full one hundred and eighty degrees

triggered my reflexes

left me wide eyed

right then and there i knew

I’d die by your side

 

I’d give my life

for one night with you

So I’ll put my hands together

and pray it comes true

Gnome away from home

posted in 2HTS342 on Oct 18, 2020
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when i last moved house

my friends they came round

brought me a present

an ornamental gnome

to make me feel at home

 

at first i wasn’t sure

about this fella by the door

but i grew to love him

left me feeling less alone

it was me and now the gnome

 

but one day when i opened up the door

my bearded friend wasnt sitting there no more

 

my gnome away from home

i wish you well wherever you roam

my gnome away from home

you’ll never be alone

 

Then i got a postcard

stamp from alaska

and on the front of it

there was my friend the gnome

eating a snow cone

 

then came another

stamp from down under

then one from vegas

paris and the azures

my gnome had gone on tour

 

my gnome away from home

i wish you well wherever you roam

my gnome away from home

you’ll never be alone

Honeybee

posted in 2HTS334 on Aug 23, 2020
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whats a queen like you doing with a drone like me

what made you choose me over the other bees

i’m not complaining though it brings me out in hives

trying to work out how to make our love survive

 

I’ll trace a vector

straight to your sweet nectar

I’ll make a bee line

to make sure you’ll be mine…

my honey bee

 

I may be busy, but it still gives me a buzz

when i think of your thorax all covered in fuzz

i find it distracting these thoughts of romance

just want to get home to your sweet waggle dance

 

so I’ll trace a vector

straight to your sweet nectar

I’ll make a bee line

to make sure you’ll be mine…

my honey bee

It's just not cricket

posted in 2HTS321 on May 24, 2020
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As I get on my favourite whites

pull on my pads, not too tight

adjust my cup, you gotta play it safe

I oil my bat, bring out the shine

the finest oak, no cheap old pine

and i step out on to the crease

 

I notice something wrong

theres a plate and not a wicket

i see my teammates’ baseball caps

it’s just not cricket

 

I could’ve sworn this was the place

i feel the blood rush to my face

I guess I should still step up to the plate

I take a swing as he pitches

hit a home run, take that bitches

maybe this isn;t such a bad idea

 

But still it feels wrong

I miss the sound of ball on wicket

i can see the similarities

but it’s just not cricket

Day of the bidet

posted in 2HTS311 on Mar 15, 2020
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The board say their thanks
At armitage shanks
To the morons they see
All stockpiling TP

They watch their stocks rocket
Lining their pockets
As we all rush to own
Our own porcelain throne

They can finally forget
Their quarterly targets
For today is the day of the Bidet

Toilet Break (Please Mr Vaia)

posted in 2HTS300 on Dec 29, 2019
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For the last 2 hours
Been a slave to the keys
No time to take a break for me

Drank plenty of water
Its great to hydrate
But all of that liquid has now left me in quite a state

So please Mr. Vaia
For my bladder’s sake
Won’t you afford us
A quick toilet break?

NO.

The last 2 hours
That you’ve been through
Were for writing and recording, that much is true

But since then you’ve had
15 minutes more
To mix and upload and to Unload so you don’t pee on the floor

So please Mr. Vaia
For my bladder’s sake
Won’t you afford us
A quick toilet break?

NO.

Iron Pyrates

posted in 2HTS197 on Jan 07, 2018
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now bring your ear close and i'll tell you a tale
of the finest set of sailors that ever set sail
unimaginable wealth was the name of their game
striking fear in the hearts of all who heard their name

they call them the iron pyrates!
you'll have heard them in tales of old
they call them the iron pyrates
cos they are the fools that are here to take all your gold

some say they are a group of rogue geologists
that put down their microscopes and picked up their fists
all i know is prepare to be socked
if you mistake a mineral for a rock

A Vole Enters A Rat Race

posted in 2HTS177 on Aug 20, 2017
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Gotta grow out my tail
and sharpen my teeth
gotta prepare
for what’s underneath

been living this life
this life as a vole
it’s time to see
what’s beyond my hole

my skinny legs
weren’t built for pace
but over longer distance
i can take on this race

can’t keep on living this life
this life as a vole
gotta go out and see
what is beyond my hole

The life of a missing sock

posted in 2HTS107 on Apr 17, 2016
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Riding in the washbasket I see my chance
Freedom is but a hop away
I shuffle to the rear wait for a drop thats less severe
Over the edge i close my eyes and pray

I tumble down the stairs
my former captor unawares
that i'm no longer one of a pair
I'm a free sock without a care

I bid farewell to my former friends
to my counterpart this is how it ends
i shuffle towards the door, the moment ive been waiting for
oh no! the household hound attends

The beast he takes me in his jaws
what fate is this oh what just cause
dragged back to the canine's bed
oh god i hope that hes been fed

This is my life now with the furry old boy
chosen as his new favourite toy
takes me on all his tours, around the house and great outdoors
I never thought i'd bring such joy

Its play time all day everyday
I'm loved in almost every way
my life is so much more complete
now theres no more smelly feet

Jimmy 'The Burn'

posted in 2HTS103 on Mar 20, 2016
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Well you think you're tough, hardest in your school?
You think your class is rough, well I think you're a fool.
Are you ready for your lesson, Its time for you to learn
cos ain't nobody messin' with Jimmy the Burn.

Grip like Jaws
Jimmy the Burn
Twist with force
A lesson learned

You'd better say a prayer, if he has got you held
Cos Jimmy don't care if Jimmy gets expelled
Cos noone burns like Jimmy. everyone else is soft
I heard he Chinese burned a kid so hard he ripped his skin right off.

Grip like Jaws
Jimmy the Burn
A twist with force
A lesson learned.

3 Hat Method

posted in WHC5 on Mar 06, 2016
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Song based on advice passed on by my flatmate's grandad:

Lyrics:

When you're feeling unwell
Whole body under attack
when your throat feels like hell
head stuck by thundercrack

I got some good news for you,
A way to get up off your back

It's called the three hat method
never been known to fail
used for generations
by the weak and the frail

The instructions are simple like
using this hammer on this old nail

You'll need your favourite hat
could be a flatcap or trilby
you'll need a bottle of rum
the darker the better for me

now put your hat on the end of your bed
and drink that rum until your those hats count three

Oh yeah...
Votes (1)
Round Date
2HTS100 Feb 29, 2016